The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
.......as gayle put it in her response to my last post. I know full well I'm co-dependant and have fallen for a lot of my A's stuff. I think he and I are sick in our own ways in relation to the disease of alcoholism. I read an excerpt from another site that, using different words, said sometimes it's knowing that the A will always want to come back (because he knows I want him and will let him back. He kinda got me where he wants me in his A mind) that actually may give us a way to find our own way. I don't think I said that right but with me, I have always wanted everything to be good again and even after the binges and re-habs, I wanted to have it all work. I took him back every time. And, in between times, I've been learning bit by bit about me and about him. I know that I want to free of the ties that bind me. Sometimes it's hard for me to stay focused on me because I"ll start thinking of the very thing I'm trying to keep the focus off!...........Yesterday I snuck something on him. I told him that I thought I might give him a few dollars toward my share of the cell phone bill and, when, I checked the bill, I was shocked to find the amount of info on it. One can see who called who, what the # was, what time, how long you talked, and who called you, when, how long, what day, what time, and you can go back 6 mos. and see the same thing. He got VERY quiet. Now he know knows that I know he's been lying about a few things, especially about a particular number that appears far too often and in a peculiar way as far as I'm concerned. But he's not sure! So he says nothing and acts uncomfortable. I kept up my spirit the whole day, had fun, did not mug at him or go slamming around the house, laughed,no silent treatment, none of that. Now he doesn't know what to do but I sure did not get no kiss or pat on the rear - LOL LOL -. What does all this say? Maybe I was right all along. I'm gonna try and figure out what to do next - after my girls go back to college and work...........jaja
I know how you feel. I too am a codependent. I have come to believe that no matter what my AHsober does I will tolerate it and say come home dear. I think that I am a doormat. He has phone numbers on his cell phone bill that I say are suspicious. Being around him and his cell is a pain as he shows me that he has more important people in his life, laughs real loud, and makes plans without me. I am trying to have happy holidays with our boys and not make a big fuss over things. Two sons go back to college and one goes back to the military. I am developing a plan for being alone again and also what I will tolerate from my AHsober. Awareness of the disease and what is does is half the battle.
I think my ex is so used to me letting him back, that now I have found it within me to stop tolerating it and move on, he still doesn't believe me when I say it's over! I wonder sometimes if he is just using it as excuse to drink -saying he's stressed about 'the relationship' or whatever. Well now no relationship, no excuses relating to me. He'll have to find someone else to blame it on.
it got to a point that she had brought another man into my house while i was gone... overnight... in the end, she even had the guy over while i was there, to drink with and take comfort in in the pitiful wreck that was left. i just detached, let go and let god; with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
