The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello. This is my first time reaching out on line or in any way. I fell in love with an alchoholic a year ago - just brought him to detox 2 weeks ago - pick him up tomorrow. I am scared,confused, don't know where to start over, don't know how to hold onto me, am afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of not being strong enough.....I have no personal history with addiction prior to him and I feel lost at sea. I am hoping the 12 steps and this community at large will give me some guidance. Thank god I have always identified with a higher power....am I wrong for needing "more" than that? I am asking for help. Thankyou. Also, how do I notice if someone responds to this?
This is a great place with wonderful people who are happy to share their ESH, experience, strength and hope. I have had all your same fears, reading and posting here and face to face meetings has brought me alot of peace and knowledge. Happy Holidays!
So glad you found us! As you can see just by checking back you can see when someone responds to you. Also you can click the box at bottom of your post before you post it to have an email sent to your email address whenever someone responds to your post.
It is wonderful that you are reaching out for additional help. And definately it is not "wrong" to need more than just identifying with a higher power. If that means you attend church or something similiar to that, I can tell you for myself that al-anon is not the same thing. It is a spiritually based program but is not religious. I also attend church regularly and receive so much more from al-anon than I do from church on the specific parts of my life that deal with how I have been affected by living with alcoholics.
We also have a chat room where we have meetings twice a day and chat 24/7. The link is in the yellow box up at top of your screen. Please stop by.
It is very "nice" of you to drive your boyfriend to detox. He should find his own way to get home, otherwise, I am afraid to say......that you will be setting up a very sick enabling relationship with him. It already sounds like that process is in motion if you have been the designated "driver" to take him to rehab. Is that what you want your relationship with him to be? You best do some real soul searching here, and quickly......because you could be an untreated alanon headed for disaster. You will no longer be the "girlfriend". You will be the mother, manager, manipulator, and martyr. So.......................think carefully, and go to alanon meetings so that you can hear what others in your situation have done to recover. If you told this story in an alanon meeting you would hear the old timers laugh at you for enabling him by driving him to and from detox. Don't do that any more. It ISN'T your job, my dear.
A little hint: You can't get him sober, no matter WHAT you do, or don't do.
First let me welcome you to mip. You have reached out for help, and you shall receive It here.
Us Al-Anoners make a BIG mistake In our lives. We think we can fix everyone. If we just do this, or maybe do that. (lol). Nope It doesn't work like that. But you are NO WAY the first to drive someone to detox, and think being there, doing it all for them will help them recover quicker, or make It easier on them. They will Recover because they WANT to and start Recovery when they are ready.
Your can support them and show compassion to the Illness. But the best thing In your life right now Is Al-Anon. You have to change your attitude towards the Alcoholc, so that you can START to experience the change In you that only Al-Anon can bring.
And It Is a massive change, If you are serious about this, work the programme, It's worth It for your survival Fifi.
Wishing you all the best, and as David said, we have a chartroom, come along, get to know us, together we can do this.
I agree with debilyn whole heartedly. Comments like that may prevent you from ever attending a face to face meeting and it was a total untruth. No one in Alanon will laugh at you sweetie, ever. There is always someone that has been in the same situation that has sought help through Alanon. You will be welcomed with open arms and understanding
Please keep coming back Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Welcome to MIP! Keep coming back. There is no wrong or right way to do this. Alanon is for family and friends of alcoholics. There are lots of tools and literature in Alanon. Also, lots of experience, strength and hope.
Welcome fifi , the best place to start in my opinion is from right now. If u can find some real meetings in your area they will help alot , also keep commin here and sharring your own experiences . the support u find in Al-Anon room is not found any where else people who understand your fears and will share thier own recovery with you.
Just one day at a time fifi and know that nothing usay or don't say will be cause of his drinking again if he chooses too. We are not powerful enough to make them drink or to make them stop this is his problem leave it with him . Get your life back on track and the good news is u don't have to leave the relaionship to do that . Al-Anon will help . good luck Louise
toll free international number for meetings in your area `1-888-4alanon
Welcome Fifi, You have taken your first step. Good for you. This is a wonderful place to share what is going on in your life, to gain strength and hope. Those of us here will have different stories but we all share one thing in common, we too have been affected by alcoholism. We understand the confusion, pain, sorrow and tears. You are loved already for who you are. I have come to this board and the chat room many times feeling lost and sad. I have been given the gifts of experience, strength and hope. Those have gotten me through many a tough day. I agree with the others that posted, no one should laugh or would laugh at you at a face to face meeting. What they will do is give you a hug and a tissue if you need it. What they will give you is encouragement and love. If you attended a meeting that is not like that someone is not following the program...you just need to find a meeting that fits you best. Welcome to this wonderful family. Prayers for you on your recovery. Keep coming back...the program really does work. your friend in recovery, rosie
Sweetie, you just keep coming around chat and the forums, this whole website and the meetings, get to know us and you will find people who have been thru the same things you are going thru. I have to stick to Online meetings, but if you are able to get out and get rides, get to a face to face meeting. Even if you call the main number for AA in your area you can find out about al-anon and where meetings are located, someone will help you. God did not take you this far just to drop you off to fend for yourself--that is the more you are searching for.
Keep Coming back
Stacie
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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
