The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well where shall I begin..with me....lol....went on a date...lol....and had great time....I met this guy a couple of months ago and he called me yesterday and asked me out ...I said what the hell why not....so I went....we went dancing...man he likes to dance...I think i better get into some better shape...but anyway....I had a really nice time then we went to breakfast...got home 4am....lol....my son was mad at me...lol...I find that funny...on and there is one thing I forgot to mention...he is only 27 and a body....lol...I of course, am 42...lol......I can't beleive myself......but what the heck maybe it is just want I need now.....I am thinking I must not look so bad these days....to have a good looking 27 yr old interested in me...feels damn good let me tell ya....
Hub tried to come home from rehab, I said no way...no way in hell...he will be in treatment for 30 more days then a 6 to 9 month halfway....this was major for me..... I am so proud of myself.....he tried to say what about my job....I said what about yourself....how can you hold a job if y ou can't stay sober..
Go Girl! LOL I'm glad you had a good time getting out. As far as you AH, his recovery is his. Keep taking care of yourself.
On a side note, I've had more interest from younger men myself. (I'll be 40 in April) I think what is that?? LOL, guess maybe you have the right idea. Who knows when I'll cross that bridge and actually "date" but it's good to hear that it's got it's upside .
Us guys, young and eager, (i'm 31, i hope i qualify), especially us here in Al-Anon, don't want the drama filled life... seriously... what can a 20 something chickady offer to a relationship? The ups and downs of figuring out how the world works?? sigh...
Of course, there are other issues with some of us... I really want to be a Daddy, someday, and it is truly a game of scrabble to get all the tiles of a certain Lassie all lined up. I want simple, not stupid. I want loving, not manipulating. I want a giver, so I can give, too, and not be taken advantage of. I want moviestar looks, without anything to do with living a movie or a daytime soap. I want a gal that is more Disney, and less Lifetime. I don't know where this will all take me, or lead me, or whether I'll take the lead and lead it. I just pray that my HP will give me the strength to be in love, again, but not be blinded by love, again.
Now, what's that have to do with you hens -- well, all the things we don't like, are things you gals are practicing not to do in your daily life, and I'd bet a dozen daffydills that it is apparent to your hunky, tight-jeaned, six-pack(the right kind), hair a little mussed, bulging in his clothes (and not from a beer belly), wild eyed chap.... like me... hahaha.
happy hunting
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Cj --- Thank you for my belly laugh of the day, you had me at Frank and Earnest (love those Sunday funnies) After the first line all I could see you as was one of then. LMAO !!!
I am so happy to hear you shining through so strong. I am glad you had a good time. I know how it is to have no social life for a long long time around the A.
i uhm, got, more of a 1 pack... mmm, err, and have had people refer to my legs as, well, bird like... actually had a friend yell at me, "CJ, get off that chicken"... yet couldn't see any chickens in my vicinity... hmm, lots of good, fun things are stringy; cheeese, kites, kitty toys, the list is endless. i know, i know... shameless self promotion, but hey, we have to be good to ourselves.
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I am just curious, my dear........why are you dating if you are still married?????????? Would you like it if you found out that your husband went on a date while you were in rehab for alcoholism? I wouldn't. I have been very resentful at my boyfriend, but never once have I thought it would be a good idea for him to go out with someone else. As mad as I have been....I have never really dated anyone else since we have been together, anyone that I am interested in, anyway.
I would ask you to check your motives.......are you being driven by resentment and fear? Is it in anyone's best interests at this time to be dating you.......? I suggest getting to alanon meetings, getting a temporary sponsor, and feeling your feelings of powerlessness, anger, and fear around your marriage BEFORE you start dating.
andrea - i agree with you, that it is much to do with the category of self-care; only you know what is best for you
gayle - i agree with you, too, that in a given situation we all should check our motives, check ourselves; best intentions are noted, but, perhaps as a whole, we should guard against insinuation
yours in recovery
cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
If we are going to talk about cheating, sometimes it doesn't have to be with another person - sometimes it felt like the 'other person' was the bottle. And it did not want to let go of my partner. And it was always on his mind, much like a lover might be.
Especially when they lie to you or hide the drinking. A lie is a lie, a betrayal etc.
I think it's absolutely okay to date after all this time and return to yourself. He may never get better. Do you think though, to give some credit to gayle who posted earlier, would you at least tell your husband eventually? Does the rehab advise on these things, would it interfere with his recovery? Maybe it would be a consequence he would have to accept as part of neglecting his relationship with you.
Maybe what gayle is saying is would you remain his wife if he got out of rehab, or is it over. Really none of our business at all, and I'm not trying to give my opinion, just observing that there are several sides to your situation, and for some people having relationships outside a marriage is not an option. Each one to their own huh?
I have the experience......I just left my handsome alcoholic boyfriend in June.....he came home one saturday afternoon without his lexus....I had just come home from an alanon meeting, and looked on the computer.....and saw that he had posted the car for sale on craigslist for 1,000 dollars(without consulting me). A few hours later, he was gone again, and I didn't see him until the next evening.....when he knocked on the door at 11pm. I answered it, and he was drunk, and his hand was bandaged from being in the hospital.......and his tennis shoes were stained with blood. He told me that he had gotten into an argument with his "crack dealer", and that the guy knifed him.....in the hand, on top of his wrist, and unfortunately....sliced the groin area as well. This is a gorgeous, 6 foot 2 inch, blue-eyed, salt and pepper haired man that you would NEVER think would be involved in this type of life....someone so good natured and kind when sober.....
So, yes......I am afraid that I have been in your situation.....I stuck with him for almost 8 years, with a year separation 4 years ago.....and the only time I ever wanted to date anyone else was when I wanted to retaliate.......not a good reason.....
I have been in alanon for 8 years with a sponsor. And to me, your posting sounded angry and retaliatory. I am not indicting you, I just responded to the posting as I saw fit.
Hmmm... lots of valid points here....I have to admit to going through a period when I so missed the touch of a man... (AH too hammered) that I seriously considered placing a personals ad for a no strings, sexual in nature only relationship. In the end, I didn't do it. I think questioning our motives is a good thing, and at that time, I believed in my heart that my marriage was dead, but was hanging on to shred of hope. Had it not been for that shred, who knows?
Having said that, we do not all share the same values and belief systems. What one one person would see as infidelity in a Biblical sense may not be seen the same way in a spiritual sense by another. By that, I mean that marriage is very spiritual in nature, and if the link between the two souls is gone, the matter of still being legally, Biblically married may not make a difference to someone who feels marriage is more of a soulful connection.
Andrea I respect you and know what you are going thru only by your posts. I knew you were separated, I knew you were not planning to go back to A.
Some people are not doing their research before they comment.
And I agree NONE of our situations are the same. We can relate to a point is all.
I know you are not angry or retaliating. NOT at all, you are going on with your life.
Just because someone has been going to alanon for 8 years or 20 years means nothing, having a sponsor means nothing. We all mature in alanon at our own speed, you could be in alanon a year and have more skills than someone who has been going 10.
Just depends on YOUR program. much love honey, debilyn
"There is no situation too difficult to be bettered, and no unhappiness too great to be lessened"....
I have the right to respond to a posting in any way I see fit. Those of you who are threatened by what I say may want to take an inventory as to why......I am not being critical, or indicting anyone, and if someone hears that in my posting on this subject, I am sorry that you feel that way. However, I won't stop transmitting the alanon principles that I have learned from going to meetings, and the literature, and a sponsor just to please certain posters. Doing that would be going back to the untreated alanon stance......of people pleasing......and I am in alanon to recover. Not to go backwards. It is important to go to meetings, it is important to retain and USE a sponsor, it is important to practice the principles in all our affairs. What are we doing here if we don't?
In this case, I read the posting, and heard a retaliatory tone in the message. I have the right to comment to the poster about it......just as you ALL do. If you read the first page of "To Wives" in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, you will see the methods given that most wives of alcoholics have tried......including retaliation....
I believe, that if someone doesn't want to be married to their husband anymore, that they should be honest about it, and file for divorce first, before they bring another man into their life. That is how I feel, and I have a right to share that feeling on the message board. If someone is offended, or takes it as criticism.....then that is okay......however, I am not responsible for your feelings. My job is to transmit the principles.
Again, I just want to say that, as in everything, our values will be a bit different. To some, if the soulful connection of a marriage has been broken, then the marriage is as over as if declared by a court. Not everyone feels the need to wait for a legal document.
I agree with CJ's statement that we need to remember the steps we are working. We should avoid taking one another's inventories, or even appearing to do so. Although we may know what our own motivation may have been in a particular situation, it is incredibly arrogant of us to assume that we know another's motivation in a similar situation.
I applaud you for having the courage to move on with your life. I am happy you found a handsome younger guy, and you had a nice time. As for being Divorced before a new relationship, Well. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. You have had your years of suffereing and pain, you put up with things you should not have done. So I for one are very proud of you, and how you are dealing with your life.
Al-Anon also practices "Just Fot Today" Andrea, How can you live just for today, If you have to wait two years for a Divorce.
You "GO GIRL", Live your life "Just for today" for Andrea.
Wishing You All The Happiness In The World
Your Friend Ally
(((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))))))))))
I would like to thank you for making me smile "Just for today", I have not done much of It for three days . I had such a laugh at your posts.
1. I could fit your profile of your dream woman.(lol) almost. I don't have movies star looks, so Nearly Mate (lol)
2. "Lassie" and "Hens" Are you Scottish ?
3. I think your Awesome, thank you
Yours In Recovery
Ally
(((((((((Gayle))))))))))))))
I appreciate your post, and yes we are practising what Al-Anon teaches us, I would ask one small request from you.
Please just "Think, Think, Think, before you hit that submit button.
Thank you for the understanding, after all isn't understanding one of the principles we have learned here.....
Gayle, you have a right to you opinion.....however, you should collect a little more info before judging the way it takes someone to get thru the hell of living in addiction....
As for cheating, he has cheated on me for years with crack cocaine and alcohol....I was a good faithful wife.....
Now it is my turn to figure out my life......and I way what the hell...this 26 yr old may be my ticket to finding out just how wonderful I am....
Love you all, Andrea
Life is on Life's Terms.........we are not guaranteed tomorrow...so just think i will be happy today......
. 
), hair a little mussed, bulging in his clothes (and not from a beer belly), wild eyed chap.... like me... hahaha.
