The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just a little while ago the tears started and it made me so mad. Why am I crying over this? Why would I let one person affect me so much? I have been going between fits of anger and crying like a baby for the last few hours. I went to my house today to get some more clothes and the kids Christmas presents while my husband was at work. I found something that really upset me. Laying beside my husband's bed were clothes for a woman. I was so mad at first then I took them outside and put them in the neighbors burning leaf pile! That made me laugh for a while, but now I just feel like a child about it. My neighbor was standing there taking care of the fire and I asked him if I could add these clothes. He asked why I would want to do that and I told him they weren't mine, but were in my bedroom beside my husband's bed. He said 'throw them in hon, I never seen a thing' I don't want to fall into craziness over this. I went to a meeting earlier today and I am coming to the one here tonight, but I can feel the craziness right there waiting for me.
I also talked with my lawyer today and he said as long as husband is drinking I don't have to let him see the kids. Also, if that girl is staying at my house then it is innapropiate for the kids to be there. That made me feel good. He is simply too sick right now to be in charge of my children. I would be scared to death. I am grateful that I don't have to let him see them right now. My lawyer is filing paperwork for me right after Christmas for a legal separation and child support.
He is having his best friend call me to talk to me. This is the father of the girl husband is sleeping with. Whatever! I told his friend to lose my number and that I have nothing to say to any of them. If husband needs things he can ask his new girl. I am finished waiting on him. Silly things like, husband wants to know how I wash his work clothes to get out all the dirt. Or where this is or that is. oh, and he wanted to know the pin number to his debit card. How stupid does he think I am and why does he think he has the right to ask me questions like that. As if I am off on a trip and will return soon.
I know I need to just concetrate on what is in front of me and try to get through Christmas. The rest will still be there when I am ready to deal with it, but I am having a hard time turning off my brain. I hear in my head a thousand times over and over 'I like her' that is what he told me last night. All the other stuff has kind of faded away and I am not thinking about it, but that one little phrase is killing my heart. I don't know how to make it stop.
Not to take away from your situation...but thought I'd share an experience of mine that I found quite funny. Long story made very short....my H and my best friend (or so I thought) decided they "loved" each other....he moved in with her for 4 days. I fought very hard for my marriage and convinced him to come back home and be with his family. The night he came home "he needed to call and at least let her know his decision".....Well, being that my H isn't very good with names.....he couldn't remember her last name!!!! So, there he sat with the local phone book trying his hardest to remember, and the thoughts that ran through my head still crack me up!!! And of course he had the nerve to ask...and I laughed out loud....and told him that "No way in hell would I tell him his lovers last name." Of course he did finally remember...but it is a memory that I still laugh about from time to time!.....
Just a share....keep your head held high...it will get better with time....and always know you are never alone, your MIP buddies are always here.
It is true that you don't have to let him see the kids if he is drinking.
I know what it's like to have certain scenarios repeat over and over and cause an ache in your heart. Having been there I know that nothing anybody can say will make it feel better until there comes a time where finally you wake up one day and the feeling is less often. I hope that day comes soon for you, I think you have done soo well so far by the sounds of things. You have come out with your dignity at least, I think it's okay you burned the clothes.
