A few of you may know part of this and for those that don’t I will explain a bit so when I get to the real story of yesterday you will know why I am a *tad upset and sharing all this.

Son is now 17, it has been well over a year (no weekend visitations, holidays or vacations) since his functioning, qualifier father called or seen him. I have been on my own w/ son for many years now, tho w/o his father and his father’s side in the picture I am truly 100% it for son. Seems my son has developed an anger issue, there are moments of rage. I have called the police and now he has a crisis counselor that comes once a week. I am the source for all his angst, his cushion. I was back in Domestic Violence counseling for awhile at the suggestions of the counselors because I was being retriggered. They thought it best I gain some additional tools.

Mind you, son does well in school, works part time and to almost everyone else he is a pleasure. You would think world hunger and wars all due to Mom (me)

We moved in this place Sept of ’05. Son found out we were allowed a small dog or a cat, he pleaded for a dog, went on petfinder and just had to rescue one. I did all I could to stall him, saying we were just moving and we will be unsettled for a bit and you are starting in a new school right as we move in. I listed all the responsibilities that were going to be his if it was to be *his dog, he agreed. Knowing very well I would end up w/ most of them –(well I ended up w/ them very soon). The dog was arranged to be ours two days after our move (The poor dog was very sick too, we cured him quickly tho) This was before any of his recent moods.

Son started getting grouchy and moody and after awhile the dog he named Scout (his dog) started to let him know he did not appreciate his loudness and yelling at Mom (me)

Son would then yell at the dog, I would separate the two of them. All would be ok, until … Fast forward, the crisis counselor thought it best we place the dog, even tho the dog was not the problem, it was a piece that could be cleared up soon. I tried to place Scout w/o any luck and to be honest I held out hope. I loved him, he ended up being my ‘lil guy. I had hoped that son would see how his anger was affecting the home. Well last Thursday Scout after warning son, bit him (not bad, thank Hp). Son was in a rage and I had called animal control, a woman I had spoken w/ before from our local shelter said she would be right out and remove Scout. She was aware of the situation and instead of Scout being placed in quarantine at home for ten days she removed him and assured me that he will be placed. He was sweet with her, kind with strangers and my shadow – son was the only one Scout had a gripe with. She explained that Scout was playing the alpha male. Well once Scout was gone, I cried. I am mourning this dog. This was his home too, I am heartbroken. So sad that son has not seen  how his actions contributed to anything.

This Tuesday his counselor came, I was prepared to lay down the law (my boundaries). I was firm and meant it. I explained that I have hit my bottom and his behavior will no longer be accepted –At all. I explained my plan B. Son knew I meant it this time. With the counselor present I said my peace and son did not react, she was impressed with him. Told son I will be respected and will not tolerate his actions any more, there are rules like them or not, period. His counselor asked me what took me so long to stand up -I have no real answer. I do know it took that animal I loved, for God (my Hp) to give me strength I felt I had lost to awaken me once again. I see I was babying son and feeling sorry for him. I am not naive to think that my son will not have another outburst and place his anger elsewhere –at any given time.

So when I saw on my caller ID early Wednesday that it was the HS calling, I thought ’OK, it will be the nurse, son will have a cold,’ tho once I heard a stern mans voice saying he was the principal my thoughts ran to his anger and he must have gotten into trouble at school for it.

What the principal did tell me was, I must come get my child and take him to a hospital facility to be drug tested w/ in two hours…

“Excuse me? What for???”

His teacher felt he is under the influence and according to state law (etc) he must be tested. If you are not here in two hours he will be suspended or expelled. I quickly showered. Get out of shower and son calls saying mom I must be at the place by 10:30 -Yes, I am on my way. I all but flew there and was directed to the principal’s office where I find son and him smiling and laughing (huh?) I was handed a pile of paperwork to sign from school personnel while asking what exactly was the story? Principal said ‘Oh well we were just talking baseball, stats n such.’

Me asking ----Ok and????

At the end of the period when the teacher was handing out papers and he got to your son he was in a daze and was startled. The teacher then took him aside as the class ended and said ‘You need to go to office and get drug tested’ then he was taken by the arm by another teacher in the hall who said, and I quote “Why did you do it? You’re going to have a nice day now”

Yup, as son recounted this the principal confirmed this story as it was told to him. He matter of factly said - before I could, that he would speak to that teacher. As I left I said I will need a conference once the drug results are back with these two teachers to find out what transpired to warrant this so it may be prevented. Meantime I was informed son was not allowed back in school for the rest of the day and technically children aren’t allowed back until the results are in, tho he may return tomorrow. So off we go. Son and I sat there he was not to eat anything, chew gum or use the bathroom. He was taken in and then I was called in. Nurses and Dr and son were all laughing –(lol, for real!) Son informed me “Hey mom I passed my breathalyzer, I’m not drunk!” Dr did more tests of reflexes, speech and such. I joked that he would have to say the alphabet backwards. Son then was asked to tell why the school sent him. The Dr looked puzzled. He said I am not expecting any of these tests to be positive, if so, you will be the first we notify. Tho from what I can see he seems rather well. Son shared what the teacher had said to him in the hallway and the Dr had the same expression I did.

Seems that this was infact a crude statement after all, I told the Dr I thought it was just my Al-Anon at work, the Dr said No and he was surprised.

So here are my gripes, #1. Since when is daydreaming in your first academic class of the day cause for a drug test? #2. Since son has not a blemish on his school records and no history of trouble w/ this teacher, where is the benefit of the doubt? 3# (my biggie, that triggered my Al-Anon to go off) What *IF my son (or any child) was an A or druggie, would he not be entitled to dignity and respect?

“Why did you do it? You’re going to have a nice day now”

That just burns me.

Now the good in this:

I had called son’s counselor to inform her as the day went on and she called once we got in -Her reply? She said she has many teens that are A’s and druggies, my son is not one and her second was asking if it was his anger that caused the school to order this. When I informed her no, that he was actually great, laughed, flirted with the nurses and even asked one to be his girlfriend she was relieved. She then spoke with son and told him that she was proud of him and how he handled himself. I will admit with the end of this saga, I am grateful all is well too. No drugs or alcohol and son and I ended up having a nice day once the testing was done. We needed that. Tho, I did make clear that he is not to daydream about pretty girls in class anymore.

For the record the principal did call me two times, one to express that in the 45 mins he sat with son he did not feel anyone under the influence could recite stats and act as well as he did and if it was up to him he would have sent him back to class –the second being he spoke to one of the teachers and they denied even knowing why he was to escort son to the office <uh- huh>

I guess the way they can order something so serious w/o any basis, when there are drugs going on all around *and my son’s anger did not play a part, in this, I am shocked..

This has been a long week. Although it feels good to have the real me back. I felt as if I was missing for a year. I feel alive now – and I am so grateful to this program. Hp knows what my old response to any of this may have been.

There are so many layers in this I am seeing - slowly. All lessons in life for me to learn from.

For me it really is Progress Not Perfection

Wishes to all, Tracey/ tea2 (who will be unlike herself and press the submit button to this post )