The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Letting this out. No one would relate but many of you.
I work on my plan of recovery, it is my life. But being imperfect, things can get to me.
As A is surely living off that old girlfriend of his who has cancer, and I am sure is sharing all her drugs with him...
He has heat for free, food, she drives him and I bet he uses her car. Last time I saw him, last summer he had new cloths on.
So here I am in my home that I cannot afford to have. If I let it go, I will be homeless..said this a million times.
Had to pay his taxes, so lost my vehicle. So now I have no vehicle, the pickup I do have needs work.
My cheeks feel like ice cubes as my pellet stoved died.
I mean how did I get here? Ya know I think I waited too long, "hoping" he would get it together and be who he was. Work again, help bring in income into the house again. So I used all I had to keep "us" going. Soon as the disease sucked me dry, he left. Went and found an old slut to babysit him.
I am glad I see so many come here to MIP that are young in alanon, young in the disease bringing them down. Maybe they will learn from the experiences and make different choices.
To be honest, I don't know what I would have done. Probably would have kept hoping, kept believing. Took me so many years to give up and go on as it is.
Everything will be ok. Talked to hp, asking for help. Don't know what to do anymore. Just cannot think about the obstacles when I cannot seem to problem solve them. So I suppose that means give them up completely.
Have not lost my faith in the future as far as my spirituality. Finding life terribly hard, and have for a bit now. Felt this way last week too, had not spoken in almost a week. Now have not had a face to face talk in 5 days.
Don't really want to send this. there is nothing to say. But I believe it is important for many to know, you really can lose everything from the disease.
You really can protect yourself from this. I did not have anyone to tell me that. I just did not know. My A was a nice person, he would never let it go that far....right.
My heart is breaking for what you are going through at this time. I don't know what to say that could even help a little. I will pray...that is powerful in itself...right?
I worry how you will get through this winter.
Yes...A is getting what he needs materialy but he is nowhere close to you in spirit. He cannot be happy where he is in his life.
Please...please...please...take care of yourself. I don't know what else to say except
I know how down you are right now. Two years ago I was really low. Never though I would get out of the hole I was in. No Money No Hope for a life with my A, no will to live. But I just let it go to my HP. Today my A and I are together and getting stronger every day. He is now sober over a year coming up on two. Money is still really tight but getting a little easier. I don't know if you have ever looked at a site called Craigs list You can google it. Then click on your area. They have a section for people giving things away free and all so you can post in the wanted section for things you might need. Tell then about your farm and you never know.I think sometimes people like to help out aminals before people. Well just and Idea.
(((Debilyn))) I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. You put your love for abandoned animals before your own needs and are such a big part of MIP. I hope you recieve what you need in return. love Christy
Nikkilou, I suggested a similar thing to Debilyn, she said if people find out about Eden they dump more animals on her property. I recently sent a donation in my Gracie's name. If anyone else would like to do so please contact me. Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles... when we take care of ourselves and do the 'right" thing -- we think everything should get better. Sometimes, that ain't the situation... all I can say is pray and believe that your Higher Power loves you -- wants the best for you, will give you all you need, will provide for you... expect a miracle. If we all pray together for your miracle -- whatever that is, I think it will come and will help lift your burdens. Anyway... the miracle is in you ....
Well my dear my favorite "bobism" is : HP doesn't always wrap gifts in pretty paper!
I went through hell my dear and guess what...it was the best thing that ever happened to me!! Hold on hon...things will get better and remember you have many people here that care and love you.
Much Love
SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
S. bob yes I know the hardest times are when we learn. Had ups and downs since I have been on this site. Even lived in the barn bunkroom to not lose my home.
Just have never had it this bad. I was able to carry me just this far and that is it now.
I am still praying this one gal will rent the master bedroom. But she is home for xmas.
In my beliefs and experience, my hp has nothing to do with hard, bad things that happen. That is from the "the other one." So what I keep doing when I get real bad, starting today, I say hp is with me and I am happy. I know it will be ok.
But I am human, not perfect and I get scared. am doing my best to take one day as I always do.
I sure agree S.bob, we learn when things are hard.
Lee Ann, thank you. Hp has always been there for me. He knows the most important thing for me is my animals. I get donations sometimes and some of them have sponsors so that helps so much. Plus my friend gives me a good deal on hay. I may have to cut the grain down some, which is not good in winter.
For some reason Oregon is having a harder winter than usual. Hp has sent me a great friend. She comes out once a week and takes me to get hay and we take that to her sheep, then we load up more for my guys. She gets me to the store and stuff too. I wear her out. Always give her $5 for gas.
She told me no one has ever done that before. ? I would feel bad if I didn't. geez.
Well dear my miracle is that I am blessed with hp, alanon sisters and brothers, and made it this far with lots of happy times.
It is all in hps hands becuz I am too tired and just cannot figure it out anymore.
thank you!
Christy, when I take care of my critters it is for me too. It makes me feel like I do have purpose, have something to do. I love to see them so round and happy. They are not abused, neglected or abandoned anymore. And when they die they are not alone.
hugs
Nikkilou, I check Craigslist every day and have posted on it. Thank you! We have a freecycle thing here too. I have given so many things away. With the past tenants leaving things, there have been some nice things.
even had two nice big electric sheep shearers to give. I have a little dog on craigs now. I have a family that hopefully will be able to adopt him.
He was with this old lady at walmart. Her husband and her had to move in with their son. Son was going to shoot him if they brought him back home.....He is so cute. Pug/chi neutered and healthy and perfect! He is under my blanket next to me on my chair right now. lol
Christy explained it perfectly. It is sad but true. One gal in Texas had to move becuz it was so bad. She took her rescue to Arizona!
thank you for caring!
rtexas, I do have faith. big time. I know if I didn't I would not be here. With out knowing for sure what I would lose, and who I would hurt, I'd do what I have planned so many times before.
It makes it especially hard when almost all my loved ones are dead now.
thanks r
Gaily your words made me think all day yesterday,"I don't know how you will make it thru winter." So I thought about how I can.
Asked some friends if they can get my truck fixed. They can do part, so that will help. Once it is fixed I will get my pellet stove to see it can be fixed. The place said they can get parts. I just hope it is not too expensive.
I can wake up and be ok and think about all I can get done. Then the cold house hits me and I get in my chair and cover up.
Well the sun is coming out!! When it does Gaily, my bedroom slider is to the south so my bedroom gets warm, that is so nice.
I think I need to have my amazon parrot go to my friends for awhile. She has heat all the time.
Anyway we are ok. Just gotta get up and get my warm cloths on.
oh gawd!! I have this dog, Basset/Scotty terrier?. lol he is black and he is always rolling on his back. His fur is like the undercoat of most dogs so he looks like a dirty shaggy rug. lol he has long fur too. curly, actually very cute. lol He is huge like a big basset, then has med. ears.
Has a horrible underbite. He just got up and looked at me and his funny old hair is sticking up 5 inches on the top of his head!!!!! lol he has a beard and mustache too. white chin and chest.
just laughed harder than I have in a long time!!!
thank you all of you. going to throw the dogs out to play, feed and come give this ole tedi dog a bath!!! then he will look like a clean shaggy rug!
