The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hubby has given me an amazing Christmas gift this year. Now what am I doing opening it now you might all ask? Well it was suppose to be a Kitchen Aide Mixer, but the car broke down so we used it for that instead.
His exwife called last week and their (hers and daughters) car broke down too. They are in school and if they didn't get to their finals, they would loose all their assistance. He made it clear that he couldn't send any money down. But after some discussion we decided that he should go down on last Sunday and just spend the week there as he was going down for Christmas anyway. The cost of gas being high it would save money. The agreement being that if he felt any anger, etc. he would come home midweek and then go back down on Christmas Eve.
I won't lie to you, a part of me was feeling a tad jealous and resentful at his other family. We've learned to stand on our own why can't they? But then I needed to remind myself that we aren't perfect either. It's only the second Christmas they have together since he got sober. He drank after he left them last year and was in assisted living. The holidays by nature for me are a bit lonlier as my parents and grandparents are no longer with me. But I'm use to that. I was looking foward to spending the week with him, and I'm still a bit sick.
However I went to work last Saturday, and he picked me up and we went grocery shopping. When I came home the place was spotless! (I still had empty boxes of decorations all over the place.) The tree was lit. On the tree was an cat ornament with Piper's picture in it. On the computer he blew up a picture of her with a reminder to give her treats (lest we forget!). He told me to take a shower and when I came out he had put the groceries away, lit candles and made me a cup of tea. He told me: "Never forget how much you mean to me, and how much I appreciate you taking care of me." He also said: "Now you don't have to do a thing this week if you don't want too." He even did the laundry.
It was hard letting him go on Sunday. But when I came home he had left a note on the pillow saying "Merry Christmas. I love you." Now my guy isn't the most romantic guy in the world. But he has his moments.
So this week has been a quite one. Hard to get use to having the bed to myself. Piper is a bit confused. "Where's Dad it's 4am time for my treats!" But I am doing things because he took a huge load off of my shoulders just by being so sweet. I have a bit of shopping to do tomorrow as well as some baking. I just found out that for the first time in 8 years I have Christmas Eve off even though I said I would work. I'll go for my traditional Christmas Eve walk and look at the lights. I'll spend most of the Christmas Day with the nieces. They are growing too fast. Before I know it hubby will be home Tuesday. We'll have our Christmas then.
He has already given me the best gift ever (to himself as well) his sobriety. But he also gave me the gift of serenity this week. If I want to make more dog cookies, I will. If I don't then that's okay too. I actually came home last night thinking that I would whip off some walnut cookies (for humans!) but then decided to take the night off so I did. That felt really good. So many times here we see posts about the negatives of loving an alcoholic. Rightfully so. It's so hard on us. But there is so much good in them, fighting to get out.
My gift to you is this dear family: remember active or sober your A has an immense potential to love. In my heart of hearts I know it's in every human being. We have a great capacity for love and kindness. Be kind and loving to one another. Be kind and loving to your A as best you can. They are struggling too. A gift doesn't have to be of the material kind. The best gifts come from the heart. If you're in a dark place, remember what my sweet hubby has done for me. A year ago, I thought we wouldn't be together. I was questioning his ability to get sober and stay sober. Look where we are now. We may be apart on Christmas, but in our hearts we are right there with each other.
Merry Merry Christmas dear family. I love you all.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Whatta guy!!!! Those gifts was better then anything he could have bought at the store. They are always the best kind. I think the longer they stay sober, the more they start thinking of us. Mine sent me an email out of the blue that said "Thanks for sticking by me and believing in me". It's not really the thanking that means so much, but that he must have been thinking of me and acknowlegding all I went through. I'm still not used to his thoughts not being all about him..lol
This will be our first sober Christmas in 20 yrs. I'm sooo looking forward to it. I told him I don't want anything, I already have it. How can I want more then the miracle I've already recieved? I pick him up at the airport early tomorrow morning.....Wahoooo!!
Enjoy your spotless house and time with Pipers kitty :) I'm cleaning today..(ugh) But the cook is coming home!!
love Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It is such an inspiration to see the 2 of you so happy and doing so well. You have had plenty to complain about, and yet your strength is truly a message in strength.
I wish for you the best holiday season ever!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
(((Karrilynn))) Thank you for sharing this with us. It does remind me that my A deals with a lot to stay sober on a daily basis. He does have a great capacity to love and I'm seeing more of that as time goes by. Just yesterday he said I'm going to for-go my Christmas present this year because we're short on money, but I want you to pick something out that you have really wanted. He said you deserve something nice for all these years you have carried the family. I thought that was special I felt he acknowledged the good I try to do and my efforts have not gone unnoticed.
Have a wonderful Christmas
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
As I sit at my desk and read your post my eyes are full of tears--Happy ones!!! I agree so much with you. My A has been sober for just over 4 months--this past month in particular has been so nice!! He just seems more and more "human" everyday. I have been so thankful for the gift of sobriety!! To me that is the most wonderful gift this year! (he still has his quirks, but so do I!!!!)
Enjoy your quiet time, enjoy the walk and the lights!! Thanks for sharing and posting, you help so many people here and your presence here is comforting!
Beautiful post (((((Karilynn)))))!!! I so agree with you on the immense potential of love and gifts of the heart. Thank you so much for sharing the good times with us. Often those get overlooked here. Enjoy the rest of your Serenity week!!!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Thanks for the beautiful post. Yes, there certainly is still love and good in them! I've believed in that all these years, and am seeing more and more of it each sober day. I count my blessings! I never stop holding my breath, wondering what this season will bring, but I do have hope. I know he is struggling, as he works himself hard trying to keep his mind occupied, so he won't think of the drinking. I appreciate that so much.
This year he is building me a new riding ring, so I can enjoy my horse, and maybe even work up the nerve to go trail riding again! That used to be my #1 love besides my family. I told him yesterday how very much it means to me, and I don't need any other gift. His sobriety is the biggest gift in the world to me, ODAT.
With much love to you all, and lots of TLC for the Holidays, TLC
HI Karilyn... what a beautiful insight and thank you for the reminder! I do see my husband as imperfect most of the time (my character defect) but at times, I do see him being a wonderful father and husband. He's been clean and sober for 3 1/2 years now and I can say he only gets better month after month.
I believe what you said: that we all have a great capacity for love deep down. I think I saw that in my husband way before he got sober. I think it took him a long time to realize he had the capacity for being and doing more than he was. As a drunk or high father, he'd sometimes leave me alone to go on a bender... now he says, he loves his kids so much, he'd never leave them. What a shift to see him value and cherish the time he spends with the children whereas before, he couldn't wait to get away and get drunk/high. Miracles do happen and I believe God made this man with a great, sensitive heart... now, he's experiencing so many wonderful things and he's so grateful.
The gifts of sobreity, sanity, peace, recovery and fellowship are priceless... happy Christmas!! -- you're very blessed!
I have had such a hard time with the A and his family. I felt good reading your share. I have about given up relating to them.
Detachment is about the only way I can go. I have gifts this holiday season but one of them for me is not the A's sobriety. I do have my detachment and a sense of peace sometimes.
I am so glad for you that you can find such joy in difficult times. I know I am not there yet.
Well it was suppose to be a Kitchen Aide Mixer, but the car broke down so we used it for that instead.
But then I needed to remind myself that we aren't perfect either. It's only the second Christmas they have together since he got sober. He drank after he left them last year and was in assisted living. The holidays by nature for me are a bit lonlier as my parents and grandparents are no longer with me. But I'm use to that. I was looking foward to spending the week with him, and I'm still a bit sick. 
