One of the things the A does pretty regularly is let certain things be cut off. One of them is the internet.  today it happened again.  For once I said nothing. I normally go into total over reaction mode and feel martyred by his actions. I know now it is nothing personal to me.  I also know he is totally obsessed with his own chaos.

So for me to feel calm and serene in the face of the A's destruction is new.  Normally I live night and day walking on eggshells. I knew something was up since for the last two weeks he's done no work. He's been home playing video games.  He claims to be working and busy but really he is just home all the time.  I am not in denial but I am also thankfully not in over reaction mode.

When I'm over reacting I get nowhere.  I just stay stuck. So for me to reflect and decide what I want to do or not do is new.  The other thing that is new is not to feel panicked or abandoned by him. I know now that I cannot abandon myself.  I'm focusing on my job hunt and my support system and working on building it. I'm also focusing on what else in plan b I can do.

One step at a time I will get better.

Maresie.