Well, I never would have guessed I was human after all.  I have always been one tough cookie in the terms of, you just aren't going to get me to cryin'.  Sure it has happened here and there.  Since coming in the program, I found a new strength.  Tears just didn't happen, but it was different.  Instead of avoiding the crying thing and being hurt, it use to turn to resentment.  Once in the program, it would hurt at first then, I would apply the tools I have learned.  Accept it......go to step 1,2,&3.

Today, my heart was broken.  I called someone I have never called crying.  I knew in my heart of hearts this person was safe.  My sister.  Yes, we have dropped a tear a time or two over the phone.  Me, I can't say I have done the sobbing thing, until now.

I have 3 kids.  Two of which, I have never had to share with not one single person.  My 2 yr old on the other hand, her dad is very active in her life and an active A.  He called me today to say he would be taking her tomorrow and bring her home the day after Xmas.  She just got home from a weekend with him and was very home sick when she got here.  She has been glued to me since Sunday.  I know it is hard on the other two, there isn't a dad calling to go anywhere, not even calling to tell them he loves them.

Yes, the 2 yr old has been sick the last month with allergies.  Last week we advance into fever and breathing treatments.  Last night she threw up in her bed, is running fever, and her cough is much worse.  So, every 4 hours we are doing the treatments.  For 2 yrs, she has had this problem and has built up a tolerance to every medication I give her.  The doc still thinks she is too young to allergy test.  But, we are advancing in to real serious territory here now.  She is not looking good.  Last week when I took her to the doc she wasn't looking good and this week can't even hold a candle to last.

The weather here is bad.  Very icy.  Her dr is and hour away and the hospital here, I am fairly certain most of the docs graduated from The University of Cracker Jacks.  I have taken my kids there on many occasions and haven't seen the same doc yet....but all have been way off on there diagnoses with the kids.  They are great for a patch up job or some stiches....but anything more than that is best with the regular dr.  I am in a rough spot though.  I cannot safely get her to her dr.  She will go to the er tomorrow and we will go from there.

On a cute note, my 7 yr...sone to be 8 lost his front tooth this morning.  Mind you he spent 4 yr in speech and just within the last year, I have been able to have a conversation with him and understand most of it.  What a miracle to talk to him.  Now, that front tooth is missing and he is so adorable.  He would not humor me and try and say "sufferensuckatass" for his dear old mom.  I love it when a toothless wonder such as himself says that.  My oldest was trained to do it. 

Tonight, I let my oldest stay up and decorate the cookies she made to take to school tomorrow.  It was a lot of fun.  She got a huge kick out if it.  She might be a little grumpy tomorrow, but it is worth it.  They only go 1/2 day and party the whole time.  She shares a room with her sister. When she the baby was vomiting, she came and got me.  She made it back to the baby before I did and was rubbing her back asking if she was okay.  Same thing tonight, baby woke up screaming and big sis was there asking if she could do anything for her.  Most days, she seems annoyed by her presence.  My heart melted, to see my 10 yr old have caring feelings for her sister.  I am sure it make all of us do that when we see our kids do stuff like that, they do not normally do.

I did call my sponsor like my program teaches me to.  Her brother died this morning.  She was very close with him.  Damn those stupid roads!!!  Atleast, the phone lines work. 

So, while making 19 little gifts to go into a "stocking bucket" for 7 yr old, I remembered what my old sponsor would have had me do.  Make a worry list and go to steps 1,2,&3.  My mind is bouncing everwhere at the moment.  Everywhere!  Maybe because, I have gotten up while typing this several times.  I also know this is normal to not have every day as blissful as the day before.  I sure would like to have one clear thought at a time right now.  I have been sick for a little more than a week now, so no wonder I can't think clearly. Maybe I am just a little senstive and needy at the moment and that is okay.

I know one thing.  Tomorrow is a completely new day.  There is a new begining. 

I guess I would just like some prayers for my little ones.  None of this has got to be a walk in the park for them all the time.  They handle it very well though.

Ziggy