The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just felt like letting you guys know how my day was today.
Actually started last nite. My ex wife called me and asked me to try to find something for her she thought she might have left here at my house when she left. To make a long story short...I didnt have it. And I called her back to tell her so.
Thanks to this program, I pulled this off very well. I was actually quite pleasant to her on the phone when I called her back. And I got to talk to my two step-sons, which is always a treat these days.
In talking to the younger one, I asked what he was up to when I called and he said he was checking out his MySpace account. Welp, I didnt ever think about him having one, so told him cool, I would have to look it up, so we could send messages that way.
He sorta got ....mmmmm.....skittish at that and told me there was some stuff on there he had not put there that wasnt too good. Anyway, I finished up talking to him, his brother and the ex. And got off the phone feeling pretty great. Especially about the way I had been able to talk to her.
Later I went to the myspace space of my step son and his brother. What I saw there really disturbed me. I wont go into details, but I was just very saddened by what I saw there, on both of the boys sites.
Then I got really angry. I got mad at my ex, for my perceived failure of her as a mother, not watching after those two boys. Again, I wont bore you with all the crap in my head today, but just say I wallowed in anger. And it was a conscious choice on my part. This program has taught me how to stop that. I have the tools and I know how to use them. But today......I wanted to be mad. And so I was.
And thats okay. It is my right to be mad if I choose. I didn't take it out on anyone but myself. I just let my mind run free with all the things I would like to tell their mom about what a lousy job I think she is doing as a parent. What a lousy job I think she has done for years now. And on my thoughts ran.
Then, my cell phone beeps, and I get a text message from an alanon friend. And it makes me smile..... anger recedes a little.
Tonight I went to my local al-anon meeting. I ranted. I raved. I dump my anger out on the group. They took it all in. They gave me back smiles, understanding and love. I told them up front, I'm angry today so hold on!
They just listened. No one told me I shouldn't be angry. No one told me I was being too hard on anyone, including myself. No one actually commented at all! They just let me roll. When I was done. I felt the cloud had lifted. I felt free of the anger. The meeting ended and some of us went out for a bite to eat and conversation. We had a great time.
Thank you God for giving me this program.
You people, you wonderful people, amaze me to no end with your love and understanding.
Kids will be kids, and you shouldn't be so hard on them... and that poor ex wife of yours, how can it be her fault, blah blah blah .... LOL
I am so impressed with the principals and constitution of this program. Just like you, before I stepped back and thought about others rights, their ability to be responsable adults without my precious guidance I would have just attacked them all.
It is amazing how you handled that, it can be quite disturbing. Many of the kids out there are into the shock factor on their pages. Instead of tagging every public flat space with paint... they are putting some amazing content on their myspace pages.
For those new to F2F meeting, that is a great example of what to (and not to) expect. A good group can be an absolute godsend when the emotions are in overdrive. I have tested my home group quite extensively...
What I did when my kids created accounts, was created an account myself and posted messages to their site, just made my presence known. Amazing how they policed what their friends did to their site after that. LOL
Thanks for sharing that. You are great man!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
WOW: I loved reading this post on my way to work this morning. I am also hiding anger, with regards to my job, and the people who run It. I have told myself, that It's NOT allowed to be angry when working the 12 steps.
Oh I'm so glad you proved me wrong. IF we can be angry, get mad, crack up, blow a fuse, (lol). Cool, as long as we don't hurt anyone In the process.
Glad you went to f2f, glad you worked through It, and were able to go on and have some fun with your friends.
Your a special person In this room. And mate, you can shout, scream at Ally anytime (lol). I will just shout and scream right back at you. (rofl)
What a lot of wisdom and sadness there is in that post.
I hope your step sons are going to come through this phase.
I know growing up in a highly dysfunctional pathological family I rebelled a great deal as a teenager. I also know that having one or two people gave me an anchor that led me to survive it.
I can understand the rage at the A. As someone whose been consumed by it I also understand the need to let some of it out sometimes.
I am very very grateful to Al-anon that I don't continue raging at the A. I can look at the rage these days and not have it control me.
How I needed to read this this a.m. Yesterday at my meeting (noon) I was in such a great place, the meeting was wonderful, I got to express somethings that just are so fantastic to me about alanon and what it has done in my life. And especially how this is the first Christmas in a LONG time that I am actually looking forward to. Then.....lol, it all fell to crap a few hours later.
Thank you for reminding me I'm allowed to feel what I'm feeling. I did get up this morning and decided that this day was worth too much to blow by concentrating on things that I can't control. In short I made that choice to have a good day and get back where I was yesterday afternoon. What has bugged me though, is how quickly I lost my serenity, focus and joy. It was so good to read in your post "And thats okay. It is my right to be mad if I choose. I didn't take it out on anyone but myself." Sometimes I forget that I'm allowed that, lol. At least I didn't fling my anger all over the place and zap a few people....pre-alanon I would have.
You always surprise me with a gift. Your wisdom is one I look for on a regular basis. Thank you for saying you wanted to get angry and then deal with it. There is a wonderful book called: The Tao of Sobriety by Gregson and Efran. While it is not Alanon based, it has some woderful exercises based on taoism. It has helped hubby tremendously along with his AA. It has helped me too along with my Alanon skills. Just another tool to add to the tool box. It talks about recognizing feelings (good and bad) and letting be there and being able to cope with them. You did great! Merry Christmas Santa! When you stop by my house, don't eat the dog cookies!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
