The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A had 2/3 bottle of vodca yesterday. now is very sick today. I think I'm enablling him by worrying about his health. he doesn't want to worry about health until we are at emergency situation. been in detox 2x. the second time almost killed him. We had a plane to catch this AM but nmissed it. I thought of going alone, almost went but can't. I probably have to get him to hospital. Then I was thinking of flying out this afternoon & leaving him in hospital. then it's his turn to look after himself. The hospital has a policy that it will not discharge someone if they don't have someone to pick them up. our insurance will be invalid if he discharges himself. he has no friends here. I haven't taken the hypocratic oath but I feel that getting him to a hospital is enough for me to do. Then I didn't kill him.
Any advice? Does AA people pick up people from the hospital if they ask?
I don't have any advice but I can tell you what I'd do. If I was planning to go on a trip somewhere I'd get on the plane and go and whatever happens happens. I don't know about AA picking him up or not but that's not really your problem, you're not the one who chose to drink and mess up the day before a trip so why should you pay the price?
Carol, worrying about his health situation is NOT enabling. It is a human reaction when we care about someone. Helping him in a life-threatening emergency situation is NOT enabling. It's what you would do for anyone.
I certainly wouldn't feel bad about flying away once he is safely in hospital.
Best wishes, Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I imagine someone from AA might be willing to help. I hope that he is willing. He isn't going to get sober from you though. He himself can only get himself sober and a God of his understanding. You didn't cause his drinking, you can't control his drinking, and you can't cure his drinking. If an AA person was willing, they might just plant that seed in him, maybe they could share what got them there and how they relate. I would pray that seed would grow.
I am sorry for what you are going through. My life being unmanagable was an understatement before the program. My thinking before Al-anon would have been livid that my hubby couldn't stay sober long enough for us to board that plane. Now, I might have got him to the hospital and made that plane. I would have done it for my sanity only.
I heard a speaker one time and until I read your story, it has hit me in a whole new light. Sure, it touched me then and I understood...but the sanity of it all comes clear after reading a small portion of yours.
He said something to the effect of his son being bad drunk. How much it hurt him and his wife left to wonder if this drunk was going to be the nail in his coffin this time. He went on to tell how sick he and his wife were with worry. He finally told his son, "I love you with every breath I take, no matter what you do and this is why I have to say this to you for your mother and I's sanity.....if you get into jail, do not call. If you are in the hospital, do not call. If you need money, do not call. If you have no place to go, do not call. If and when you hit your knees and get sober I will be here waiting."
There were many times, I only wish I had that strength, or that much sanity to say this in my life. It reminded me then, that I had to put myself first. I am not any good to anybody, if I am sick. If I get myself better, things can get a little easier little by little and I can find some hope.
I fimly believe in attraction. To watch someone live this program is amazing and very inspiring. I had many people to watch when I came into it. I have seen many that didn't want a program and thought they could handle things on there own, become inspired enough to see what these meetings are all about.
These are just my thoughts. Everyone will have something different, I am sure. That is what is beautiful about it all.
Good Luck to you, and I hope you keep coming back!
I'm sorry you have to go through this and that you missed your flights! Your compassion sounds sincere and genuiune.
In my opinion, there is a fine line between compassion and enabling... if I rescue my A and do something only to later get angry and resentful, then I am enabling his disease to have power over me too. If I minimize the severity of the consequences to make my A feel better yet I suffer, then I am enabling his disease to take power over me too. If I take responsibility where it is not mine to take (like lying for him, figuring out and fixing solutions, coverying his bills or picking up his messes created by his disease) then I am enabling and allowing his alcholism to take power over me.
I'm not sure about AA giving rides, but I would suspect if your A asks for help from someone, he will find it.
Good luck to you. Please take care of yourself - you deserve it!
Well I get into this stuff all the time. Right now the A has let the internet provider account be cancelled. If I don't pay he will eventually pay. If I do pay I may feel resentful. The issue is how much does it affect your life. Living with an A I do deal with the effect of his using. Even when he is not using like now he is on a dry drunk (hasn't worked for 2 weeks). I try to work on whats right for me. If you went away and were feeling concerned about him how would that be. Is there a compromise. I work on what's the compromise for me. I also work on not over reacting. I try to have space (if that is possible) to think about what are my options. When I first came here my only option was to be rageful and frustrated. Then I started setting goals.
As long as I live with the A there will be issues. I try to make them smaller but there wll be issues. How I deal with them is up to me. I know when I am enabling and when I am not.
I also know that I admire your restraint and ability to reflect. When I am at my worst I am in total knee jerk over reaction mode and totally obsessed with frustration and rage.
