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Whilst going through the breakup with my Abf he told me that he absolutely loves to drink and will do so till he dies. He says he thinks about it at work, and looks forward to the evening when he can drink. He feels he deserves it after a hard day. He says he loves being drunk, how it feels to be drunk. He says it is simply the most important thing in his life. He is all consumed.
By the way, I am a close second apparently.....hhmmm...lucky old me hah!!!LOL
He said he spent ten years of his life trying to stop drinking (to suit other people, his family). He went to various rehabs etc. But the crux of it is in my mind that he never really wanted to be sober, for himself. Because, quite simply he loves it too much.
He has lost his licence, caused a traffic accident, been in fights, stolen booze, fell out with his family, lost a previous relationship, lost our relationship, and so much more. He is physcially unwell I would say but won't check it out. I think he is mentally lacking due to the alcohol damage but that's just what I see. He has been through it all.........................
Yet he simply loves alcohol more than anything in his life.......it gives him all the happiness he wants.
Now to my main point, I have seen here many times that we assume that when they drink they are trying to soften reality. That their reality is often too much to bear without the booze. We say that all was okay that day, that that they had no reason to drink. They didn't need to blot out. But even if it is all okay, he will still drink. Because he can.
I think he drinks because he is able to breathe. His selfworth is so low that he cannot imagine a life without alcohol, and so intends never to have to.
How very sad
Thanks for listening to my thinking out loud. So much unravelling going on in my mind, lucky there's a few days off soon....lol....... AM
that when they drink they are trying to soften reality. That their reality is often too much to bear without the booze. We say that all was okay that day, that that they had no reason to drink. They didn't need to blot out. But even if it is all okay, he will still drink
Annmarie...I don't believe that they EVER have a day where all is okay. The reason they drink is because they are alcoholics. Everyone has many days in their life where they don't want to deal with reality and don't drink. The problem is within them not the things happening to them. Of course they might want to numb out more when things are falling apart but they will still want to drink no matter what. A good day for them will not stop that craving they have for the alcohol. I believe that it is not all emotional but very much a physical illness too. Their bodies will crave it no matter what is going on.
My A will say, "It's a good day to go fishing and have a few." when the weather is fine, and if the weather isn't fine "Can't fish, so may as well have a few." It just doesn't matter.
They drink because they are A's. It may have truth in it that they can't deal with reality, so they drink. I tend to think that their obsession (the drink) prevents them from participating in reality.
What your Ab is saying to you is probably his version of his truth. The reality of it is that he couldn't just up and walk away from his drinking if he wanted to and he knows it -- how much easier it is to say, Okay I love it and I'm not giving it up -- then I don't have to deal with your disappointment in me for failing yet again to get sober. He really has to hit his bottom to want to change.
Just know that there are those who have made that change, have sobriety, work a good program and have regained much of what they had lost. There is hope and it is possible.
