(((((CarolinaGirl)))))

For so many people the A'ism in their lives spell pure chaos and destruction for everyone involved.  That's the bad news.  The good news is you are working this program for you and your children.

I so understand your anger at your A for all that has happened.  When I feel that anger at situations and at my AW, I know it is justified.  I know it is real, but staying there never helps me.

Today when situations (especially things my AW will say or do) that make me angry I am trying to put it aside when I am done with it.  It helps me to remember this story when I do that.

Take care of you!

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There was a grandfather, his little grandson often came in the evenings to sit at his knee and ask the many questions that children ask.

One day the grandson came to his grandfather with a look of anger on his face.

Grandfather said, "Come, sit, tell me what has happened today."

The child sat and leaned his chin on his Grandfather's knee. Looking up into the wrinkled, nut brown face and the kind dark eyes; the child's anger turned to quite tears.

The boy said, "I went to the town today with my father, to trade the furs he has collected over the past several months. I was happy to go, because father said that since I had helped him with the trapping, I could get something for me. Something that I wanted.

I was so excited to be in the trading post, I have not been there before. I looked at many things and finally found a metal knife! It was small, but good size for me, so father got it for me."

Here the boy laid his head against his grandfather's knee and became silent. The Grandfather, softly placed his hand on the boys raven hair and said, "and then what happened?". Without lifting his head, the boy said, "I went outside to wait for father, and to admire my new knife in the sunlight. Some town boys came by and saw me, they got all around me and starting saying bad things.

They called me dirty and stupid and said that I should not have such a fine knife. The largest of these boys, pushed me back and I fell over one of the other boys. I dropped my knife and one of them snatched it up and they all ran away, laughing."

Here the boy's anger returned, "I hate them, I hate them all!"

The Grandfather, with eyes that have seen too much, lifted his grandson's face so his eyes looked into the boys. Grandfather said, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

"But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times. It is as if there are two wolves inside me, one is white and one is black. The White Wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. But will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

"But, the Black Wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.

"Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy, looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes, and asked, "Which one wins Grandfather?"

The Grandfather, smiled and said, "The one I feed."

From Vicki Smith:

"I wrote this story... I shared it with a Cherokee List I was on, because the people on the list got into a big argument over something I can't even remember now. But a lot of ugly things were said. I thought my story might help.

I am American Indian, I wrote this story from truths I learned as I battled to control my own anger and bad temper. That battle taught me a lot. I am surprised sometimes when I hear from people like you, at how far my story has spread. Thank you for your compliments on my story. I would be honored if it were shared with others. Perhaps it can help someone else who battles with anger."