The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been thinking very rigidly lately - black and white - stay or go? I'm learning and trying to figure out what my needs are and what is acceptable behavior (boundaries) and be true to myself. I've been reading alot of co-dependency - I fit every category - I am in Al-anon and with a counselor and working my program to help me recover and grow and get back to taking care of numero uno!
I moved to be with my A boyfriend 6 months ago though I have never felt settled. My "escape" was that I could always go back home. My A is a binge drinker and had a major relapse in August, 2 months after I got here and 2 months after I found out he was an A (he dldn't tell me before I moved) At any rate, he is a great guy most of the time so, I'd get close, then whenever I'd get scared or his Alcoholic behaviors came up or my toxic thinking or codependency behaviors crept in, I'd panic and look for a job back home. I've been very unsettled and have my car registration, phone number and bank still back home. I've not made a very good attempt at making friends or grounding here (which keeps me ill and dependent on A - boo). During this time, however, I've also come to Al-Anon for the first time (yeah!) and am learning all about my behaviors and what I am doing and not doing for myself through this and my counseling.
The long and short of it, I have a job interview back home tomorrow. I was so afraid to tell my A but I did last week and gently stressed how important recovery is and that I need to take responsbility for my happiness whether that means I live here or there. That I need to answer this question for myself and then get settled somewhere. Surprisingly he was very calm and we had one of the first very sincere and honest conversations we've had in a long time. I said I didn't want to be and wouldn't be a warden on his recovery - that was his deal and he had to want to want it if he wanted it. For me, I need to settle in my mind where I want to build a life for myself, here or there, and start recovering and taking care of me and moving forward with life - I've been stuck in indecision. Regardless of where I live, the next step for me is to take the relationship one day at a time and if it is not fulfilling, then let it go. If it is fulfilling then I need to appreciate each day and not be mired down in the "what if he relapses again" "what if he takes a drink next year" thinking...I need and pray for strength and courage. I need to create a life for myself surrounded with healthly and loving relationships with others (al-anon), laughter and joy, emotional supprt and just live today in the best way I can. The future and my HP will guide me. I'll know what to do, I just need to trust and believe in myself.
Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts here....If anyone has some ESH on this and how you are navigating through, please share - it helps me get stronger and gives me so much hope - I need that!
Keep on posting. We are interested in you. We care. We are rooting for you. Keep all those options open. I know I am in deep problems when I don't feel I have any options that is when depression hits the worst for me.
A couple of questions that were posed to me: What is your quality of life right now? Is this how you want to live your life? Are you lonlier with your A than without him? The last one was a real eye-opener for me. I was lonlier with my husband at home while he was drinking. He was passed out, emotionally distant.
I can see that you are getting stronger and are on your way to making the decision that is best for you. Answers come when we are trully ready to receive them. Try not to force the answers. They'll come when you're ready. Glad you're with us.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Sounds like you are well on your way on this path of recovery. The E, S, & H I would have is that I have learned that I don't have to have all the answers to everything today. And that what works for me today can change; it might not work for me tomorrow. I will always have options and choices. Today, I can choose to stay in a relationship, tomorrow that may change. I'll face that (with my HP's guidance) tomorrow.
I know in making career decisions most people don't want to jump around, move jobs, etc., but things happen and if the situation is different and I need to make changes, I can rest in the reassurance that nothing, absolutely nothing surprises my HP. I wil trust He has a plan.
Just what works for me,
Glad you are posting & working on your recovery -
Progress not Perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Glad you are here!!! It may be hard, but it sounds like you are trying to think about you and take care of you! Good luck on the job interview. Who knows what will happen and it never hurts to put feelers out!!
Keep coming back. We want to know what's going on.
