The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I havent posted in awhile, but still read on here alot... it still helps to know there are others here living the same kind of life and wishing it was better. LOL
Well, hubby is gone again...like thats a big surprise, but what does surprise me is when he left, he took EVERYTHING moneywise and left us with nothing, and this just came out of the blue, I thought things were going good for us...but I came home from work Tues. night (hubby gets paid on Tues) thinking hubby would of been to the store to buy food, but I was wrong..he went to the store and only bought beer and got mad when I told him how F****** up that was that we had no food but he had beer,( I dont think I have ever confronted him on things like this before and would of just went to the store myself) so he yelled and told me if I was going to be on his ass he was going to leave and when I said I didnt care what he did,he went...I had this screwed up idea that this time would be easier to be apart from him after he left us with nothing, but I miss him and wish he was here, he wont be but I dont understand how you can still love someone SO much after thay leave you with NOTHING...what the hell is wrong with me? I know this is the end of us, because not only did I do without this time my kids did too...and I cant forgive that...I dont know where my head is today...one sec. I think I want him home then the next I dont ever want to see him again...how do you just leave the people you say you love with nothing and not even care that they are doing without? Why do we stay in the same place over and over and over again knowing this is not going to change? And why am I always so surprised when it happens again? Im really starting to think Im the one with the problem here.LOL But I do know I cant fix him and Im trying not to all of the things Ive always done to make his life better...I havent looked for him so I dont know where he is but I pray everyday that hes safe and warm atleast..and will TRY to leave that up to God, I could go find him but I wont, I think maybe I have to let him fall before he will pick himself up, I know all these things but trying to stick with them is hard...so I will just keep asking for him to find his way in life and someday have the life he could have if he wanted it.
Thank you all for posting on here, reading them helps me get through the day and be a bit stronger..I hope you all have a great day!!!
I had this screwed up idea that this time would be easier to be apart from him after he left us with nothing, but I miss him and wish he was here, he wont be but I dont understand how you can still love someone SO much after thay leave you with NOTHING...what the hell is wrong with me?
((((((((((Rhonda))))))))
You must know the reason....We are just as sick as they are! Are you going to f2f metings? I really benefitted from those and the board to help me get my past my stinking thinking. Make myself worth better treatment especially because I have a child. I refuse to let my kid have 2 sick parents! I cannot control him but I can control me. I will be on the road to recovery for a long time but it does get better everyday. Keep working it girl! You are worth it and so are your kids!
Welcome to Miracles In Progress. You will find so much support, encouragement and others who have gone through the same thing as you and moved on to happier, healthier lives.
One suggestion that worked for me was I made a list. When we were apart, I missed all of the good things and there are always good things about someone else as bad. Anyway, I made of list of "Things I Loved About X" and "Things That Drove Me Crazy" and every time I was thinking I was missing something, I looked at this list (posted on my mirror so not everyone could see it except me - don't want to hurt the kids), it was a vivid reminder "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." When I was feeling like I was missing him, I looked at the "Crazy" Side of the List. When I was feeling angry or resentful, I looked at "Things I loved" which helped me balance my own distorted thinking.
This disease (both theirs and ours) wants to get us alone (in our heads). If we keep coming, attending meetings both face to face and here and get a sponsor to share with and post on the message board and do service work, it dilutes this disease (alcohol).
I hope it helps,
Keep coming ~ yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
