The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am still having a hard time with this insanity and craziness of the disease. Why the lies, why the provoking of fear and anxiety? I've had enough adn just want to let go of it all. I was away for the holiday and had a wonderful time with my family. My A did not want to go with me and wanted to stay home. I went anyway, I needed to. The past few days he has been neglecting to call me as he says he will and when I call, he doesn't pick up the telephone. the first day this happended, I left a you message saying, Just calling to make sure you are ok as you didn't call when you said you would, then another, "I didn't hear from you and I'm off to bed" and on and on.... the last 5 days have been like this. he then eventually calls me back within the hour and always has some reason or excuse for not doing what he said he'd do. Tonight I just got home. This morning he left me a message that he was really missing me and looking forward to being with me tonight. Then another later that he didn't think he could see me tonight as he was going to take his son to dinner (never inviting me to meet up with them) and now not calling. He is not actively drinking (he is a binger), but his behavior hasn't changed.
Anyway, I don't know how to respond nor do I want to respond. This insanity and confusion only causes me to get very angry and the emotional abuse is more than i can take anymore. I just don't care. I don't know how to end this and want to respond with grace - I guess I need to pray tonight for my HP to show me how to do this with grace. I'm so very very tired and yet sad as well. I know I need to grieve and completely let go. And keep the focus on me one day at a time.
It is so hard to be on the outside looking in. My AHsober excludes me from most everything. Promises to call, forgets, doesn't forget to call his friends. Basically little or no support. I think that our HP has a better plan for us then what we are going thru. I like what you said about grace.
I understand how you feel very well...I have had many lonely evening lately...my AH never calls when he is in the bars with his drinking buddies...I know deep down that he loves me so I was EXPECTING him to call/sms or come home earlier to spend time with me and prove this love...I was feeling very down, confused and angry till the last meeting...someone chose the subject "Expectations" what an amazing subject...then I remembered that I forgot I am in love with a sick person whom loves me and loves to keep his promises but he can not and this is the nature of his disease...so during the last week I started not expecting anything from him, not a phone call not showing up on time… nothing...and believe me its much easier on me... and he calls more and he is on time more often…remember that the best things in life will come when you least expect them...just take care of yourself and have faith in HP...He will not leave you alone...he is calling you all the time...you should just answer...
