The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He is still drinking but not using cocaine, I don't think he has used in months. He has changed. He doesn't know within himself what has caused the change; I don't try to figure it out. I thought maybe it was my mother's death, or that I finally said enough is enough, no longer will I allow him to walk all over me. (that was shortly after mom's death) He has changed for the most part for the better. Every once in a while I see the disease but not as much as I have in the last 5-6 years. He talks to me about his feelings, he tries hard to listen or look like he is listening when I ramble on and on about nothing, like the cat....LOL
Anyway, last night this disagreement was about a parenting issue, we just have the 15 yr old home now. My A made a parenting decision without even talking to me about it. I was hurt and told him so. He immediately became defensive, defending his right to parent, etc. etc. I explained to him, rather loudly and through tears that my opinion is just as important as his, that I should not hide how I feel to prevent him from being angry. That I have just as much right as anyone else to feel my feelings. I also explained that what he usually does at this point is get up and go to bed and not talk about it anymore. I told him from my side it looks as thought when I share he puts up a wall and only sees his way as the "right" way, that I feel there doesn't have to be a winner and a loser, that we can disagree and it's not the end of the world. He did get up and took his own "time out" LOL When he returned about 10 minutes later, he apologized, said that sometimes he does only see things from his side. Then we finished the conversation and moved on with a very pleasant evening.
I have printed all my postings from here, I look back to a year ago, where I was as a person, where my marriage was, where my communication was, how fearful I was of tomorrow. I have learned and changed so much, and I feel like there is more to come.
Oh yeah, and waiting for the perfect job to arrive, I received an email from a medical group looking for a front desk person, a woman’s clinic, the same health system that Hospice is run through. Wouldn't that be something to get that kind of job? LOL
It's 4:58a.m.(yep, another all niter on the puter...lol....) and I thought I'd be the first to congratulate you on the progress you have made from a year ago! You should be very proud of yourself and I wish you continued growth and happiness!! I'd like to thank you for leading me to this group. I've learned so much about my "A"'s disease because of you (and the others), being open, and honest, and sharing, of what it is and what it does to those of us who didn't have a clue!! I think it was October of last year when I joined the group and I hope you'll be here another year because its people like me who find the strength to go on from people like you!! You've been a God send to me. I hope that makes you feel even better!!!! Now have a great day and take care of yourself!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
"that I should not hide how I feel to prevent him from being angry. That I have just as much right as anyone else to feel my feelings."
Boy - I said the same thing to my AH last Friday! It is so hard sometimes to take the risk to share our feelings knowing how they will react, whether fair or not. Kudos to you! BBsteps.
((HUGS)) I hope you apply for the job. I think you'd be great at it. When someone we love is passing away, it's such a delicate time. I know you're good at that stuff. Please keep us posted.
I'd like to thank you for leading me to this group. I've learned so much about my "A"'s disease because of you (and the others), being open, and honest, and sharing, of what it is and what it does to those of us who didn't have a clue!! I think it was October of last year when I joined the group and I hope you'll be here another year because its people like me who find the strength to go on from people like you!! You've been a God send to me. I hope that makes you feel even better!!!! Now have a great day and take care of yourself!! Hugs, Korinne