(((MIP Family)))

Its been a while since I've posted anything, just been reading posts and responding when I feel I have something to contribute.  Sometimes I feel like I need to just watch, listen, and observe so that growth or understanding can happen.  Lately things have been good even through some of the challenges.  My A is still sober and still working hard.  Life has thrown us some big financial curve balls, but since working this program and using the tools it has really only affected me minutely.  I continue to look for alternatives to those situations that seem to be a huge mountain to climb.  I am learning that only so much can be done in a day and that HP is in control not me.  No matter what our financial situation or anything else brings, we will have enough to provide for ourselves.  My A and I seem to be finding a nice comfortable "groove" in our relationship these days and we are learning more about honest intimate communication and partnering with each other. 

I just had my 34th birthday yesterday and I can honestly say that I was grateful to be alive and have my family with me.  I laughed yesterday like old times, like the old me.  It has been a long long time that I have felt free and good enough to laugh and enjoy myself like that.  I only have HP, this program, and the good friends to thank for that.  I thank HP that he lead me to this program so I could learn how to let go and begin healing from Codependency and the insanity of A'ism.  My life is not perfect and I don't expect to be, but what I've learned this year is that my life is going to be what I make it.  I could "choose" to wallow in worry, self-pity, and remain controlling and stringent in my thoughts and actions, but that has not and will not prosper me one day at all.  I choose to seek healing and understanding of why I worried, controlled, raged, blamed, and shamed others and my A.  My A will struggle with his character defects just like I will, but this program is teaching me that there is no time-table to our recovery.  Today, I feel good about who I am and feel like I'm ready to take some chances in moving myself forward in my goals.  I made the choice this weekend to begin looking at schools to get my Master's degree.  Never thought a year or two ago that I would even begin to have the ambition and engery to want to continue my education.  I still have a long way on this journey and choosing to do it with an A, doesn't make my life any easier, but because of the A I found this program.  So I guess in some way I'm grateful for the struggles too.  I'm counting on the blessings I have today and the positive energy I have today to get me through those days when everything seems to be out of balance and rough seas approach. 

Wishing you all a blessed day filled with serenity, peace, and joy.

Twinmom~