The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A came over on Friday stayed the nite and then left Sat. I think he's been out drinking since but don't know. I started to get irritated. I don't like not knowing what's going on and having him not answer the phone. Why can't I just stop caring about what he does and not see it as my problem. I realize my financial dependence on him is a great part of this. I need to become more independent and not have to rely on him so it will affect me less if he does mess up.
I think its a pretty tall order to move from dependence to independence.
The A I live with lies, lies lies and then lies some more.
So I never really know what the finances are.
He took it on himself to go off for 2 days who knows where. They love that mystery and intrigue. I think its huge huge discipline not to get caught up in it.
I also think its a whole lot of work to move towards independence.
Some people on this board do it. I think its one day at a time stuff personally.
Today was a better day, I keep building on it.
I am nowhere near the place I need to be financially but I work on it.
I am a long way from where I was and I still have a long long way to go.
I was taught time is an acronym for This I Must Earn. When you find yourself independent, financially secure and so on and so forth, you'll realize it's because you've earned it.
I recall you said you were/are a social worker. Is there a colleague you trust that could help you, ODAAT, get on your feet and out from under him? As long as he has some ties to you, he'll keep using you.
Financial & Emotional Independence is not achieved overnight - how great it would be if we could - but it doesn't - it takes time. Give yourself time - possibly you can set small goals in financial areas, just like we try to do in learning to detach emotionally. Sometimes we can try to start a small savings, a plan B - even if it a small amount - a $1 a week - it is more about learning a different way and giving that savings to our HP to help us grow spiritual, emotionally and financially independent from the A's and dependent on the strength given to ourselves from a power greater than ourselves. A power that I choose to call God.
This is just what has worked for me. Am I financially in a great place? No way. But I have a little more peace of mind about it.
Hoping that you will have that peace and serenity also,
Progress not Perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
