The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Kabbie. I have stumbled time and time again over step 1. I have had to go on to the next steps and return to step 1 once in a while to see if I really do think I have no power over the alcoholic's addiction. I have always had power over EVERYTHING I did or attempted, and this powerlessness that we must admit to is a real stickler for me. But you have said it, so perhaps you have come to realize it's truth. I would think life becomes much more tolerable with the A once we admit our total lack of power. Good luck to you. In every way. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I have been there! I learned to be gentle with myself, sometimes you have to cry, sometimes during change you have to cocoon and hide away. Do what makes you feel better. Hang in there, keep working the program, it works if you work it.
Like most others.... I also struggled with step one, over and over again... My entire working career, I was rewarded for having the "power and influence" to change people, circumstances, and bottom lines". I was determined to NOT be powerless over my wife's addiction as well.....
Hmm... reflecting back now, I certainly could have saved myself a lot of aggravation and stress, if I could have accepted the reality of step one earlier on. Two things stand out for me in my journey to finally accept step one as the undeniable truth, that I truly AM powerless over this disease.....
One was somewhat humorous - one of those "aha" moments.... I was in a counsellor's office, bawling my eyes out, feeling at the end of my rope for my marriage, my family, my home, etc.... The counselor asked me quietly "do you STILL think you can control your wife's drinking, and this disease?", to which I (honestly at the time) responded "yes". Without batting an eye, and with a bit of a knowing grin, he looked at me, through my tears and despair, and asked "so how's that working for you so far?" I laughed, I cried, but I FINALLY began to get it!!
The other thing was an acceptance and change of perspective on my part. I used to look at step one as very weak, and (wrongly) thought if I was strong enough, I would have power and control over this baffling disease. It wasn't until many years into it, that I realized that I could view step one as all-empowering, instead of looking at it as weakness. If I can't control it, then I can't possibly be responsible for it than either, now can I??? That thought alone, lifted what had felt like the world's weight off my shoulders, and I began to see this disease for what it really was..... OUTSIDE of my control and influence.... Wow.
Hope that helps....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I'm sorry you are so sad. Tears are good, let them come. It's how you heal. I go back to Step 1 over and over again. It reminds me that I am powerless over this disease. The good thing about going back to Step 1 is that you can move foward. Easy does it on yourself. There will always be days when the tears come, so let them. Soak your pillow. Because once that happens, you can move on. You get up and go at it again. And you will. The sun will always rise and you can start again.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can recognize the sadness. I know that for me I fear the A I live with his bottom is death. He has no other bottom, he's already had devastation, relationship collapse, prison, financial issues and more. Nothing seems to get to him.
