The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am sometimes sad and ashamed. I am sometimes afraid or glad. But I am not angry. I am not angry at my A for all the pain she causes, or at myself for how I react. She has a disease. She is doing what she can today to recover from that disease. I am doing what I can today to support her with the resources and tools I have. I appreciate the knowledge, fellowship, and growth I am recieving through Alanon, and I will continue to go. I do not begrudge any of this. If it proves to not be "time or resources well spent", so be it - I have more time and there will be more resources. Yes, I may reach my limit. And when I do, I will say so. For now, I feel good about what I am doing, and how I am contributing - to myself and to my A.
Keep building your arsonal of tools. It will help you both. I have related some incredible stories and I have seen much worse here. But I also don't have much ability to be angry with my AW. She is in horrible emotional pain. I feel for her. At times I let that go way too far and I do what I consider to be wrong, in order to try and ease her pain. Well after years of doing that, I got really sick.
I didn't have the benefit of this program, but as they say, you get here when you get here. Now I do, and I am trying to do right by my new found knowledge.
Keep posting, and know we are all pulling for you!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I remember well that feeling of horrible anger. I'm so glad you aren't there. If you get there you have these tools. You sound very compassionate and understanding of the disease.
Thank HP you have this place to go to, and you are willing to go back, here and to meetings. It is such a lovely place to go, people who know exactly how you feel. You are not alone anymore....
