The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Every few days, I talk with my 11 year old Son about what is going on with my seperation from his mom. Of course the topic last night was patience.
Patience, since Mom is not really doing anything towards her sobriety, but that doesn't mean she won't. Patience for our arrangments for picking him up and doing things after school. It will all be fine and it will just take time to iron everything out.
Don't panic that she gets emotional and mad at me. I mentioned that it is alot like when he didn't want to sleep in his room at night. I knew he would be ok, but he didn't. He seemed to really catch on to that.
Now if I could be patient, I have to remind myself not to panic. If I could not get my hopes up when she says she has talked with someone in the program, only to be disappointed when she says "... and they said I can't do this if I don't go home... people can't do this alone."
Explaining the game plan to my Son... and doing it are definitely too different things.
This week I have stopped talking to her other than when she is dropping off our Son. At that point she hasn't been drinking, and has been having fun with our son. So she's in a good mood up until the point where she has to leave.
Any other time she expresses how hurt she is, and how unfair this all is... that she is lonely and can't make it on her own. I haven't even spoken the "... you know what you need to do..." line. She knows how I feel.
I have said I love you and miss you every day. And I do. I don't miss the 24hr long discussions of what needs to be done around her to make her happy enough. I don't miss being told I need classes to learn how a woman should be treated. But I do miss her. She has been out of the house for a couple of weeks, but she has been gone for years. I miss her terribly.
Son and I have had some killer games of monopoly though. If he get hotels on Boardwalk and Parkplace I am a dead man. We will finish that one tonight. LOL
I hope everyone is doing well. I am just kinda puttering along for the moment. Had some really good meetings lately. Some new and old timers I have never met before. Learned some important stuff from both.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. I pray for each of you every day.... after all you are a special part of my family now.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I know this must be sooo tough on you! You and your son will have some great memories of your time together though!!!! Hopefully one day you may be able to again get some wonderful memories together as a "family" (meaning, husband, wife--parents, son)!! You just continue to take care of you and your son--I want to say sons (I was thinking you actually had more than one, but my memory isn't the greatest!!!!)
Anyway--I just think you are such an encouragement to all here and keep hanging in there.
You sound good and and it's clear you have good boundaries and aren't wavering.
I had to smile a little at "... and they said I can't do this if I don't go home... people can't do this alone."
People do it alone everyday, when they've finally lost everything and have nothing left. The only one left to blame is themselves and they are alone. That IS when many do it.
On the other hand...Alanon's do it alone (w/o help at home) all the time.
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You are doing so well. It must be so hard, you DO miss her, as you said. It is the most loving thing you have done, is really let her go to walk and find her path of sobriety.
Isn't it funny - you are telling your son, and calming him with your teaching him patience, talking about the situation, yet you said you have a hard time being patient with yourself and the situation! You are at least aware of that, that is a big thing, right?
You sound like such a caring parent and spouse, you really are standing strong, and posting about how you feel, going to meetings. Thanks for the inspiration about really taking care, about being patient (it helped us too!) and about trudging this path.
Your son will remember your talking and communicating with him. My dad (was not an alcoholic) would get mad at us kids for something and yell, but then would always sit down later after he had cooled off and really talked to us about why he was upset and our behavior. I will always remember just how that communication was so important to me. Your son will too.
Thanks for always inspiring, and lifting our spirits...
I'm thinking we need an MIP monopoly tournament! My favorite spots are the yellows (Marvin Gardens, etc) and greens (penn ave., etc) or oranges (St. James, etc.) and Red (kentucky. etc). What an awsome Dad you are. He'll be just fine because of the example you are setting for him. Way to go!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I'm thinking we need an MIP monopoly tournament! My favorite spots are the yellows (Marvin Gardens, etc) and greens (penn ave., etc) or oranges (St. James, etc.) and Red (kentucky. etc).
I guess I inherited this from my A dad, but I've always had Park Place taste on a Baltic Avenue Budget LOL.....
