The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When someone asks me how many siblings I have, I say 1 sister and 3 brothers. My brothers are my half brothers from previous marriages of my parents. My sister and I did not grow up with them. Periodically, two of them would come live us. My youngest brother...what I think is my youngest, and I are close. It would seem my sister is as well to the same brother.
There are a lot of secrets to that past that are none of my business and will forver remain a mystery. I have not met one of them. He is my father's son. He is around 40 now. A few months ago he contacted my dad and wanted to meet.
He was apparently in town this weekend and met with him again. He will be back in town during Thanksgiving. I asked my mom if he was coming to Thanksgiving. She said Dad didn't invite him and he has his reasons why.
Thanksgiving will be on my mother's birthday this year. She seems to have uneasy feelings about him even being in contact with him. My Dad, who always seem very sentimental where this brother of mine was concerned yet guarded about the past, seems to be on his guard. Understandable.
He told my mom that his ex-wife stayed in contact with my grandparents more than likely for money purposes. They used to own a western store and were good with their money. My Dad is thinking the fact that he waited 40 some odd years to come into contact with him is fishy. Rarely, are my parents a bad judge of character.
I told my Mom I was willing to up the odds if that was the case. Add sentiment to it. He has two sisters who want to meet him. If he did have ill intentions, it may be harder for him to continue a relationship with my dad with an alterior motive. Let him come to Thanksgiving. It would be great. No harm in that.
Here is where I am at. I used to search corners for him. I didn't feel complete not knowing who he was. I don't feel like this anymore. I haven't for sometime now. It would be very interesting to meet. Even for Thanksgiving. It all comes down to, it is none of my business to get into.
Granted I have the right to give any one person the benefit of the doubt until I am proven wrong. Even if this wasn't what my dad is reading off of him. It is what it is. If it is meant to happen it will happen. I am so grateful to this program. I feel like I can walk through this with relative ease. Support my family in what ever they may be feeling. I have no opinion either way.
I guess I am just curious if there are others out there with long lost loved ones?
This to me is interesting. I am headed in another direction--family wise-where my step-daughter hasn't seen her real mother in 2 1/2 yrs. I wonder what this will do to her. Her dad and mom have been apart from each other for over 5 years. I met him about 6 months after. For the first 2 years, she cried frequently and when "momma" called I let her talk to her (I have never said a mean word about her mother and never will!). He mother is an addict though and it would be months between calls. She took off and we didn't hear from her for a year. Then she wanted to see my step daughter--wanted to take her off and spend the weekend with her and I said no. Talking on the phone is one thing--being away is totally different. Then of course we didn't hear from her again for months. She has called about 3 times in the past year and 1/2. I haven't let her speak to my step-daughter at all. I do this not to mean to the "mother" but b/c I think it is worse to make promises and "tease" my step-daughter. My step-daughter doesn't ask about her anymore, doesn't cry about it anymore, but does seem distant to me sometimes. When we used to talk about "mom" I always said that "mom" really did love her, but was sick and just able to be there for her right now. While I think I am doing the right thing, sometimes I really don't know--if I am making things worse for the teen yrs (rebeling). I try to be honest about it all, but make sure I don't sound judging and that "mom" is a bad "mom". I wonder how things will "play out" when she becomes an adult--if she will seek out a relationship with "mom" or not. She tells anyone/everyone she has two mommies--one she lives with and one who is away.
I think you just being understanding of your parents and respectful would be good. I too would be curious to know my brother, however it works out I hope your family will be comfortable and that he doesn't have ulterior (sp?) motives. good luck!!!!!
Ziggy the way I look at it the relationship that your Mum and Dad have with your brother is totally separate to the one you may choose to have. You can choose the terms after you meet at Thanksgiving. Hope this helps a little. LUv Leo x
I have a relationship with my other two brothers. My mother doesn't like this at all. I stay out of "their" busy.
I used to look for this brother. I don't anymore. In reality. It is no secret where his siblings are. Since, I don't know where he is....when he is ready, I am here.
Still doesn't look like he coming for Thanksgiving. I don't know why, or if he will be in town seeing other people.
I imagine it hurts my dad, having wanted to be apart of his son's life and to feel that he as alterior motives. Maybe he doesn't. I am sure it is hard on both my brother and my father. What ever is meant to happen will happen. Until then, I cannot force it to happen if that makes any sense.
