The material presented
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I keep praying for some guidance on this one. When my A relapsed last August it prompted his ex to file for a change in custody as my A has custody of their 9 year old son. My A has been embroiled in court hearings and a guardian ad litem was appointed to represent his son and to recommend to the court his perspective on where the child would be most suitable. I was placed on the list as one of those to be intestigated. I've really tried to detach and keep myself and my nose out of all of this. My A and his Mom have put on a great dog and pony show and when I hear about it, inside I am disgusted as they are behaving manipulatively - but then I am not in their shoes and I suspect the thought of losing a son/grandson must be unbearable. If it weren't for this terrible disease none of this would happen.
Anyway, back to me. The guardian called and asked if he could meet with me tomorrow. I'm nervous. My A just called and said, "now remember he doesn't know I slipped in April and he doesn't know I was in the hospital/detox for my relapse." In addition, my gut tells me my A is lying about his involvement with AA - though I have no proof.
At any rate its his problem not mine and I told my A, "I will not force any subject or conversation tomorrow, but I also will not lie" I am praying that my HP will guide me tomorrow and help me practice honest detachment!
I agree with Phil....you will do what is right. Just don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with or will regret later. Hope all turns out well for you.
I am so sorry you are put in the middle on this one. However, I agree with Phil. We learn to "do the next right thing" ... and you will know. The children come first.
Like u said , don't lie . The problem was created by your A's behavior . period I don't blame the mom at all , childs saftey always comes first , if he misses him so much he should have thought of the concequences before he went out again. Our children have a right to be safe and deserve one sane parent. If asked if he has slipped again tell the truth .
If I may, madam? As per the Virginia state bar association:
What are the basic requirements to become qualified as a guardian ad litem for children?
Be an active member in good standing of the Virginia State Bar. Complete the 7 hour required course, "Representation of Children as a Guardian Ad Litem" offered by Virginia CLE, and submit the CLE certification of attendance form to the Office of the Executive Secretary of the Supreme Court of Virginia. There are no substitutions for this course. Have a nomination form signed, either by a juvenile court judge or by a qualified guardian ad litem with whom you have associated as a mentor, and submit the form to the Office of the Executive Secretary of the Supreme Court of Virginia. Send a letter to the Office of the Executive Secretary of the Supreme Court of Virginia requesting qualification, certifying your case experience, and including your social security number.
Be an active member in good standing of the Virginia State Bar My dear, that means you are dealing with a lawyer tomorrow, no matter what state you are living in. Someone well versed in the ins and outs of what is legally availible to your grandson. Not only is it the right thing to do, but legally, it would behoove you to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth to this person. They may have access to councelors, alateen, support groups or other things that have not been discussed previously for your loved one. And, given the fact that this IS a legal proceeding, perjury IS a crime here. Please, know you are loved, and if all else fails, borrow our courage. Know that god will give you the words and the energy to tell the truth in its entirety. Keep us posted.
I eventurally learned to completely detatch from the situation including not putting myself in a position of harm. This was learning "self" love and when presented with a situation that would threaten me, I refused to participate rather than lie, not lie or do anything else. If asked for an explanation I could say that I didn't have enough information or experience to take part in the process and therefore would not. This of course would be the truth and it is best for me to be fair, honest and just. It goes beyond saying "no" to the alcoholic sometimes so far beyond that I said "no more" and stopped trying to get happiness out of habitual chaos. Today I can say "no more" to myself and stop playing the drunk game. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Its okay to leave it..., alone, to God, to the alcoholic or to anyone other than yourself. He relapsed....you don't have to.
You'll know the answer when you give it to them. To me the bottom line is: what is in the best interest and safety of the child? That's it. Good luck! It's hard to be caught in the middle of things. But sometimes we are put there for a reason.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
