The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Part of this program is recognizing emotions and it is so up and down, a lot of the time. Lastnight, after dropping off AH at his first AA meeting, I was panicked all of a sudden. I just prayed to God that something would sink in to him, but I was so physically affected, even last night and today. The fear of this "bottom" not being the "bottom" is great. I have to take care of myself, not worry about this. At least I have recognition of fear of change. Whatever happens, happens, I have to let it go.
The habit of obsession is unbelievable and hard to break! I was so strong last week. Oh, well - progress not perfection.
This was a hard weekend, hard to work this week after the big DUI thing. He is sober three days but depressed and seems so small and defeated. He is calling attorneys, taking care of his business. I am staying out of it. I work for attorneys and could very well get him help, but I am not. It is sad for him, but perhaps there is hope. I thank God no one was hurt by him while he was driving, and thank God he is off of the road.
I have to get busy with keeping myself sane. I do have a filled weekend, that should help.
Thanks for listening, please say a prayer if you think about it for me and AH!
It's so unfair that our A s take up so much of the world we live in. They control our moods and actions and scare us and force us to live in ways that are bad for us. It's so good that you are busy and planning the weekend. Change is hard.
I know where you are right now. The focus so totally on any glipse of recovery in his eyes. I know you are trying not to look, but it is so hard.
Awareness then action, right? That you understand that is what you are doing and it is not helping you, is wonderful. That was sure progress for me. I will never be in the perfection category there... LOL
You are doing all the right things, and I am happy for you for your growth and strength.
Prayers always for you and yours.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Progress not perfection hon......sometimes we just have to hold on to the fact that we are moving....that feeling of being stuck is awful, just can't seem to move...well now there is movement......I will pray for A to see sobriety....to live it and to love it.....most of all I will pray for you to have some peace and serenity.....
You as well have a choice on how you choose to live your life.....I pray you take the right path.....
Welcome to this rollercoaster of a ride we call addiction and recovery. What you're feeling is perfectly natural. I hate rollercoaster, but I seem to be hanging on ok. Haven't thrown up yet! (sorry if that grosses anyone out! ) You're really doing great. Keep working on you and all will be well. You're learning to work with the tools alot faster than I did. I'm proud of you.
Love and blessings to you and yours.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You have so much courage - thanks for sharing your feelings and hang in there. For me when I catch myself slipping into obessive thoughts and find repeating one of the AlAnon slogans like "Keep the Focus on me" or "One Day at a Time" helps bring me back to me and to let go of the fear.
You'll be in my prayers tonight. You're doing the right thing and we're here for you.
Remember to make room in you "filled" weekend for some program, program literature, suggestions, phone calls etc. Turn yourself over to the people, places and things of recovery and let your alcoholic get into his program people, places and things. The steps, traditions, slogans and beliefs and philosophy are exactly alike. They come from the same source and you have faith that this program will work for you right? If you sit down, listen, take and follow suggestions, learn and work the steps and traditions and slogans right? This is the same way it will work for him with or without you. You cannot want it for him. AA tells him that if he is willing and has the capacity to be honest he can have sobriety. There is no "you" in that statement so its okay to keep "you" out of his program and right in the middle of your program.
You can wish and you can't wish him sober. You can wonder if he has reached his bottom with the information that to some drunks a "bottom" is either in an insane asylum or an item in the obituary column of their local newspaper. We only have three choices, sobriety, insanity or death all inspite of those we love or who love us. If he goes insane from his drinking that does not mean you need to go with him. If he dies as a result of his drinking you needn't die because of it. If he finds sobriety you don't get to own it or direct it. You either get your own recovery or chances are he will walk away from you. Sad but true and I have seen it often enough.
Progress...often times that mean't not checking up on where she was, who she was with, what she was or wasn't doing, etc while taking care of what was important to me, mostly my own program growth. Was I doing what was suggested for me or just hanging around to see how she was coming along?
You have a made a good start. Go find a sponsor and recovering people to hang with. Ask them how they broke the compulsion to control, manipulate, direct and compulse over their alcoholic's lives and then practice what they did.
Got a "Just for Today" pamphlet/card? It's a keeper and worth memorizing so that you can create a "new" habit of focusing on your own self recovery.
Don't leave before your miracle happens. -(((((hersh)))))-
) You're really doing great. Keep working on you and all will be well. You're learning to work with the tools alot faster than I did. I'm proud of you.
