The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I mentioned taking an art class when I was going through my divorce... something to throw myself into, new, stimulating. I thought I'd share this funny little story of my first feeling of independence.
I pulled up in the parking lot the evening of my class, and called home to check my voice mail. There was not one but two messages from the X, both of them having to do with some hot water she had gotten into with her job. Familiar situation, I was the fixer.
So I picked up the phone to dial her number. I was half an hour early for my class. Why did I want to spend that time talking to her?
I went in early instead to hang out with whoever else showed up early.
2 hours later, class over... I called the answering machine again. Two more messages from the X. I started to dial her number again, and thought why should I pay 35 cents a minute to hear her problems? I'll wait till I get home.
On the way home, I had pretty much decided not to call her at all. But on pulling in the driveway, my stepson handed me the phone... "it's mom".
Enough time had gone by that I realized fully that this wasn't my problem, I couldn't fix it, I didn't cause it. And even if I threw myself into it, it certainly wasn't going to bring the X back to me.
I listened to her repeat the story I had already heard in four previous voice messages. She had quit her job in a huff over something trivial. But had really planned to work there for another month before moving out of town with her boyfriend. She needed the money. I said if you don't need the money, then quit. If you need the money, then go apologize and stay.
For some reason, I had no fear that if she decided to stay quit, that she'd come around and try and get money from me. She ended up apologizing, and staying at her job until she left town. I think she actually appreciated my one-line response. It wasn't the old me. The same old me that once left MY job, 30 miles away, and drove to HER job, to try and fix some mess she had gotten into. But that's another story... LOL.
The high price of cell phones back in 1994 caused me to pause once, twice... and not be the puppy dog. When a little time goes by, sometimes people come up with their own solutions. Being a people pleaser and fixer by nature, I don't like to let the sun go down on a problem. But most of the time it's the best thing to do.
I just love your posts, Bari! It's not only that I always learn something from you but it's also the way you write. It's like reading a good book. And you wanna know what makes it even better when I read them? I put the voice of Garrison Keillor in my head so he can "read to me". :] He has a radio program and website called the Writer's Almanac where you can listen to him. I like his story-telling. The way you write captivates me the way he does. If you've never heard him, go check his site. You just have a such a cool way of bringing across your message and I love it. "Be well. Do good work. And keep in touch". :) ............jaja
Well that's about the nicest thing anybody has said about me in a long time I have been listening to Garrison since 1982. Not continuously heh heh but before that, I used to listen to Bill Cosby. Not the Cosby Show, but the stand-up records from the 1960s. I even memorized some of them.
I remember going to visit my uncles a few years ago - whom I had never met, or hadn't seen since I was a little kid. And they had some Garrison Keillor tapes there which we all listened to. I guess my family has the storytelling gene. Along with the A gene.
I have been listening to Garrison since 1982. Not continuously 
heh heh but before that, I used to listen to Bill Cosby. Not the Cosby Show, but the stand-up records from the 1960s. I even memorized some of them.