The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I was doing okay lately. At least the last few days. Since my husband and i split up about 7 weeks ago I have had a lot of ups and downs to say the least. We talk several times a day and I see him nearly everyday. Our talks were long in fact we have talked more in the last 7 weeks then we did in the last 6 months we lived together. I thought I was moving in the right direction.. Going to Celebrate Recovery, posting here, lots of praying to my HP and even took a leadership class on emotions. I thought I had all the tools in my tool box to get thru this .. Until last night.... Halloween night, I was home and he was helping out at a Haunted House the firefighters put on .. He has done this for the last 4 nights. Each night he called me on the way back to his camper he is living in, then called me again when he got there to say good night... That is until last night.. I spoke to him at 5 and he said I will call you later and he didnt... At 12:30 I woke up and reallized that he hadnt called so I called him and he answered, sounded okay said I was just getting ready to call you ( lie ) ... I ask why he didnt call earlier, he had no answer... Then my mind starts racing........ who is he with, what is he doing, who is he talking to ???? Needless, to say I didnt get much sleep last night... I thought we were making progress together and as individuals. I am working on me and he is working on him and not drinking. I hope this isnt the beginning of the end AGAIN>>>> I feel right back on this rollercoaster again and it is making me CRAZY...
I thought I was so much further along in my recovery... But I need him and want our marriage to work..I realize that it cant without HONESTY.. We are going to talk about this today..
I was thinking about this same thing the other day.
I think that you can think you are doing well in your recovery when things are going like you want them to go. I think the real test is when something happens again. Something like before that we could not deal with in the past.
You may not have gotten much sleep last night but your program was still there. Did you keep calling him to try to find out what might be going on? Did you get up out of bed and drive to where the camper was? Your recovery is good but you are not going to be at peace with everything that happens with your A.
Perhaps it might be time to begin limiting calls or limiting how long the calls are. It might be time to begin putting serious space between you. As long as he feels he has unlimited access to you, the feeling may exist of "this is just temporary." Given the fact that you feel you're spinning, perhaps it might be good to enforce some boundries on the telephone?
Example with my parents: My father knows he can leave all the telephone messages he wants on my machine. I will call him 1x per week, if I have time. Other wise, if I do not call, I will be at the house, as is my living amend to him, to pick up/clean up, maybe cook dinner, whatever. Anything more is at MY discrestion.
I can relate to your post. It seems to work this way for me. Just about the time I think I "get it", I revert to old behaviors in a big way and have a miserable time of it.
I have come to the the realization that I am learning these new behaviors and I am human. I have been practicing the old ones for a long time now and they are what I know. With time I am finding I am becoming more and more aware of them. Sometimes I can catch myself and stop it there. Sometimes I have to go out there and get real miserable before I have had enough. I have decided this is my learning process and with time I will get better. I will never be perfect, because I am human. Humans are not perfect.
Keep up the good work. You are making good progress. You are becoming aware. I love the 3 A's...Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Gives me a plan of attack.
I am so sorry you are feeling crazy!!!! It is time to step back and take a break, yes, overinvolvement and overthinking can make you so nuts!!! Lack of sleep is horrible too!!!
I am here for you in a heartbeat... I hope you are okay now... I am here, we all are....
Praying for peace and calm for you, to be nice and gentle and simple with yourself....
Progress not perfection....don't be so hard on yourself...I refuse to call my AH and that has helped me alot..I always felt worse after I called.....call a friend or go online instead....you will feel better about youself......take care
