The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi! I'm new to this forum, but not to Al-Anon. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He's an addict since 12. He's 29 now. He's been in rehab twice, but relapsed and never went back. His main problem is alcohol, but when he gets drunk, he gets high. Lately he has been trying to stop drinking and I think he's getting to the point where he is tired of the life he's been leading. Because even though he makes a lot of money he spends most of it in drugs and partying.
I feel really stupid, because everytime he tells me he's gonna stpo, I actually believe him. But then he drinks and gets high and its a huge dissapointment to me. And I also feel like a total bitch sometimes because when he was actually in meetings and recovering, he had this other life that I could never be a part of because I can't fully understand what is like to be an addict, so sometimes I catch myself being selfish and wanting him to stay this way. Although I don't really want that either.
Also most people just feel sorry for me or think that I'm dumb for being with him. I'm with him because I love who he is when he's sober and I have faith that he'll make it some day.
Well I just wanted to share a little and maybe you can sahre your experiences with me, cause when I went to co-dependants meetings most people there were parents and I didn't quite relate to their situations.
Welcome to MIP and a new "chapter" in your recovery. One of the blessings of this board is the experiences of people just like you from all over the world on this board. You won't find a more compassionate crowd.
We want to believe that they say this is it... i'm quiting. What I see in my AW (Alcoholic Wife) is that she wants to quit, but not enough to acturally get help and see it through. In the back of her mind she thinks she can control it if... she was X. Happier, felt more loved, less bored with her life... you name it. That's her denial.
Our denial is that we can control it and them. It is incredibly hard to understand the power of the addiction. I have heard many say they go to open AA meetings just to listen and try and get a sense of what is going on in their A's.
I have my AFather who is sober 20 years. He has been a great help to me.
Keep coming back... and keep posting. You will find a wealth of information here and a lot of caring people.
There is also a chat room and online meetings. The link is in the upper left corner of this page.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Here you will find all ages .... no one is immune to facing the challenges of an alcoholic and/or drug addiction.
I am 57, but I am a child of an alcoholic and otherwise dysfunctional home, was the wife of an alcoholic, and have children who are alcoholics and/or drug addicted.
Please keep coming back and if possible find a face to face meeting in your area and start working the steps. You will find recovery and serenity for yourself!!!!
Welcome to this board, here you will find friends who truly understand how you feel. I am the wife of an alcoholic and struggle wtih dependency I am just as addicted to my husband as he is to alcohol. I understand his compulsion to drink as I have a similar compulsion to control others. I blamed everyone else for our problems especially HIM... Now, i have taken personal inventory and realized that I am a HUGE part of our problems.
This is a wonderful place to find comfort and a safe place to express your feelings. I would encourage you to read posts daily and provide support for others, it helps to give back :) There are GREAT people here with LOTS of good ESH, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to our thoughts and feelings...
hello Violetta ,welcome the easiest way to stop people from telling u to leave or that you are stupid for staying is to not tell them what is going on , they just don't understand but 'Al-Anon people do so share your fears and feelings with them . They are safe and accepting.
Thank you all for youe comments. It's great to know that there are other people that go through the same stuff I go through. It' great to find a place where I can express what I feel and not feel like a freak.
Are you embarrassed by things he does? Do you feel you can determine whether you day is bad or good until you see what sort of mood your A is in? These were just some questions my sponsor asked me in the beginning over being co-dependant.
I do have to say, I didn't read a whole lot about you. More about your A.
I hope you stay and keep coming back, get a sponsor and work the steps. Little by little things will get easier to deal with.
You didn't cause it, you can't cure, and you cannot control it.
