The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been spinning, spinning out of control for all of this year. How many bottoms can the AH hit? I always expected the worst, always expected him to be drunk. When he wasn't it was pleasant, but hated the making of plans and them being ruined because he was drunk. He was fading away. His gums were/are bleeding, his eyes are yellow. I began just taking care of myself as you all suggested. I feel better, not sitting around watching him die. He is working, but barely making it. Drinks a beer on his lunch hour, etc.
Well this last Saturday, we woke up, things seemed okay. I told him it was sad that we didn't decorate anymore that the kids are gone, that it would be nice to get a pumpkin or two - he said, yes he would get out the decorations. Then someone called (always) on his phone and he said he had to go out and would be back in an hour. I was cool about it, whatever. He came back two hours later so drunk I lost it, backslid and got furious. I yelled at him and just got ready to go to my mom's. As I was leaving the house, he was getting into his car.
As I was at my mom's, I kept getting a call from some unknown number. Over and over and over. I thought it was a fax with the wrong number, because there was no message. Well, he finally left a message, had hit someone in the parking lot (not hurt anyone, thank you God) and the guy called the cops because he was obviously drunk. This is his THIRD DUI in the last 20 years. In a way I am relieved. He is very suicidal, and horrified. I did not answer the phone or pick him up from detox after he finally left a message for me where he was. I did not rescue, and don't feel guilty about it.
No money will come from me as to his court fines, etc. - and he will probably do time for this. I am okay financially thank God. All I can say is thank you so much for this program and it has taught me to stay calm in the middle of chaos. If this had happened four months ago I would have totally freaked out and went into crisis mode. I didn't - amazingly I was relieved. I am glad this happened. Two guys from AA came and talked to him lastnight and he did take the big book to work with him today. We'll see. I am not expecting miracles, but perhaps God is telling him it is time to shut down now. AH had "set a date" to stop on Halloween, God beat him to it I guess.
Thanks all of you and prayers for all of you that are suffering with this disease. Keep working this program, you can get out of the terrifying feelings no matter what is happening by using these tools.
Have a nice day, do something nice, life is too short...
Could be a message for both of you. If he gets some treatment via the court system and you have some time to concentrate on you... it could be a dual blessing.
You know you are in my prayers every day... keep your strength up and concentrate on you. You are doing great!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Please do not think this harsh of me but I am thanking God he is off the road....what about the innocent family driving down the road.....that has always been my biggest fear.
You sound strong and sure that you are moving in the right direction......Just keep moving step thru or over the hurdles...do what you have to do for you....
You are in my thoughts - I hope this is the miracle/blessing he needs to make that desire strong in him. But more important, you sound very strong and this may be your blessing. Good for you! Your courage and strength are inspiring! Keep the focus on you and keep us posted!
This is one of my huge fears with the A. I admire your ability to detach.
I am working hard not to be there when the stuff happens with the A's speeding ticket in a month. I know about it but dont' discuss it. I also know the A's finances have been a mess for years and years. I know that's all it will ever be for him.
I work super hard to detach some days are better than others.
I am so sorry this has come up for you. Holidays are hard enough with an A around. I hope to make it through the holidays. Right now I am taking them very low key.
Every year at this time I just start counting the days till it is over.
