The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since my daughter has been in rehab, I've been trying hard to be a good listener. Sometimes I say things that don't make sense to her, and she calls me on it..thought I'd share - I took alot away from it.
When my mom and I were visiting with her on Sat, we each told her that "you don't have to drink to have fun". Talked about things that we do where others drink and we don't etc and we have a great time. My daughter literally got up and walked away from our lunch table in the middle of the conversation. She told me the next day on the phone that it is conversation that means NOTHING to her. She said, "I don't drink to have fun, I drink because I'm an alcoholic. There's nothing FUN about it."
I spent a lot of time and energy trying to tell my AH things I thought he wasn't aware of. I thought I was being helpful. One day he said, if someone tells you your fat, do you get inspired to diet, or angry and want to eat out of spite?
I realized that when we say we need to take care of ourselves, that also means not "taking care" of others as well. We all need to learn life's lessons for ourselves. Good luck and welcome to the board! BBsteps
When my mom and I were visiting with her on Sat, we each told her that "you don't have to drink to have fun". Talked about things that we do where others drink and we don't etc and we have a great time. My daughter literally got up and walked away from our lunch table in the middle of the conversation. She told me the next day on the phone that it is conversation that means NOTHING to her. She said, "I don't drink to have fun, I drink because I'm an alcoholic. There's nothing FUN about it."
When we see our child messing up we want to give advise and we assume they will listen and agree because we think we are being sensible and rational. With my A son, we are not having a conversation because I am dealing with an A, not someone who is rational.
I am trying very hard to not give advise and not listen to his problems because they are caused by drinking and I can not be part of the solution anymore.
It's so hard. I'm glad your daughter is in rehab. She is safe and you can be hopeful.
Sounds like your daughter is totally raw. I am sorry that there were missed signals. At the same time that is part of life. We don't get to have it that people totally understand where we are coming from.
