The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I said goodbye to my A today. After 7 years of our roller coaster ride, moving in moving out, thinking he would change, trying to accept the addiction, and finally knowing things will NEVER change unless I do.
So I did. I gave him the ultimate choice of a life as an addict... or a life with me after rehab. He told me I was asking the impossible. For 2 weeks he has tried to bargain his way out of this choice. But last night I told him today would be the last day.
As he packed today, I felt sick. But right now, I look at it this way: He may just be on his way to his bottom. And my kids and I won't have to see him get there. I can't worry about having an A in my house anymore. The all-night worrying, the verbal abuse, the covering up, the excuses, the hoping for better tomorrow...on and on and on.
I know things will be better tomorrow. Because I can make it better for me. I wish I could work this program and get better "regardless if the alcoholic is drinking or not" but I don't have that kind of strength. I know I'll get better without the disease around.
For the first time I kept my backbone intact and as he left I just said, "I'll pray for you." I feel sad that he chooses booze and drugs over me, but I know that is part of the disease. He's been making that choice all along anyway.
The man that just left my house is the love of my life. No one ever mattered more to me. I pray that he finds help somehow, but right now I have to get better.
Five months ago I was right where you are. I told my AH to leave and not come back until he could maintain his sobriety. He was and is the love of my life. He had numerous relapses and went back to detox and left, etc. This was my last straw. I knew that I could not live with an active A. I will not.
Circumstances (medical) dictated that he come home with me after he was in ICU for a week. He has not touched a drink since. I don't know for a fact that me forcing him to leave forced him to get sober and stay sober. I don't know what it was. He had hit rock bottom so many times before. All I know is that something changed in him that was different this time vs. the other times. It's between him and his HP. Right now he is puttering around with some tools without a drink in his hand. Never thought that was possible. Miracles do happen.
My heart broke that night I told him to leave. But I turned him over to his HP and that was that. I came here into the chat and found great comfort. Funny, despite all I was feeling that night I wasn't upset with my decision. I was at peace with it. That's what saw me through. I worked my program extra hard during those moments when I thought I wanted to pick up the phone. I knew I couldn't. The love and support I found here was what did it for me.
Be extra good to yourself. Let the tears come and grieve for what was. I hope and pray he finds his sobriety and recovery.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When my mess is worked out and I can leave here I will remember your post.
You said>>
For the first time I kept my backbone intact and as he left I just said, "I'll pray for you." I feel sad that he chooses booze and drugs over me, but I know that is part of the disease. He's been making that choice all along anyway.
Kicky, you are a proud, strong woman, and it shows in every sentence of your post. Good for you for setting boundaries and sticking with them. You and your children can look forward to a new life full of fun and peace. I wish you well along your journey. It can be a wonderful trip if you keep going forward standing tall. I know you love him, but sometimes we must do what is best for the A and what is best for us. You did that. Good girl.
Wishing you all good things, Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I was where you are 5 weeks ago.. !! I told my husband to leave. Since then he was arrested and could still lose his dream job. Today he isnt drinking but he isnt living at home either. Right now that is what is best for both of us. I am working on the fact that I have no control over HIS recovery. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but for me it hasnt yet. I am still waiting for that day to come. I speak with my husband often and he seems to be doing better but I am not ready to get back on the rollercoaster right now.
hello Kicky , I disagree with you , u do have the strength , u let him go. He dosent know it yet but that is a gift . Now he can make his own choices , allowing them the dignity to live thier own lives is huge . give yourself a pat on the back . ya done good . Louise
Thanks for all the support and encouragement. It was a tough day...but I kept reading my post and the replies...and then I went back and read my past posts...it is amazing how quickly we forget the drama.
I do not have the resources to live on my own yet. I will in time. I start another part time job soon. I strategize a lot. I appreciate your resilience and healthy approach. I also know I cannot be on this rollercoaster for ever. I am living with a person who cares about nothing and I am always last on the list.
Reading your post reminded me of an old poster I had in my room as a teen (yes, I AM that old!) LOL. It had a picture of a bird flying in the sky. It said: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
Take care of you, you're doing great! Sending prayers and lots of TLC.
One Day at a Time - if that is too much - try One Minute at a Time - just breathe - and focus on the Next Right Thing - lean on us, your HP and know that no matter what you & your HP will be ok - even better than OK.
Progress Not Perfection
Love & Hugs,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
