The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My Alcoholic/coke-addicted husband called me this afternoon. He's not supposed to have any contact with me. There's a personal protection order filed against him. He left a voicemail asking if it was okay for him to go to the house and take some tools out of the garage. I called him back about a minute later to say NO. He was already in the garage!!! I have changed most of the locks. He must have jumped the fence and the garage door was unlocked for the realtor. If he gets caught anywhere near the house he could go to jail.
I told him to put the tools back and leave the property. I told him he was breaking and entering. All the neighbors know he's not supposed to be there. I called the police. I think he was probably gone by that time. He wasn't there an hour later when I met a couple of friends there (My friends and family don't want me going to the house alone). I'm living with my mother in a nearby town right now. When we got there, we saw that he had left the tools outside by the back door.
I really don't want to get him in trouble and I don't want him to get arrested. However, he did wrong. That's why the restraining order was put in place, and I believe it should be obeyed. Boundaries, right?!
When I talked to him on the phone he asked... "when did you change... when did you become so mean?" ...I'm not mean. What he has done to our marriage and our lives is mean. I'm just taking care of myself now. I'm guarding myself against his lies and bad behavior. I told him that. I told him I cannot trust him or anything he says.
My anger makes me stronger. I don't like being angry... but it helps me to remember all the bad stuff. For instance... several people have told me something horrible he has said. He has this crazy idea that my mother... my dear, sweet mother... has TONS of money. She does not. He told several people that he was looking forward to spending her money when she dies. I think it's truly sick and pathetic. I don't think it's even funny to joke about. Just sick.
I know... next time he calls, I wont answer. Actually, I didn't plan on talking to him today. I just couldn't let him think it was okay to go into my garage and take stuff.
Tonight I'm just feeling bad. I wish he would just leave me alone for now and quit stirring things up.
Trying to get on with my life....
Artygirl.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
well done arty , A's are like boomerangs they just keep commin back . Stay strong and commited to your boundaries. You are going to be okay. Keep the focus on your needs and you will be just fine. Louise
You're doing just fine. No reason to feel bad. The reason you got this order of protection was because you needed to take care of you. It's meant to protect you. Keep doing what you are doing and you'll be just great.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
From my experience as a ATV case manager...you did what you were instructed to do. Marvelous follow thru for your growth and protection and for his. They all get pissed. That what us men do when we don't have absolute control. And how very dare you stand up for yourself you meanie you!! But you need to understand that there is one man that is glad for you and for him that you did what you did because it is a bit of the change necessary to stop the insanity. The guys I worked with use to scream bloody murder also until they came to understand and then they became more responsible and then free of the court system.
Anger is a good motivation to turn an intention into a task. Love is the best motivation for sticking with tough choices. After a while in this program the Love will become more natural, the anger will become optional and less used and fear will be replace by faith. Awesome!!
Sounds like a standard comeback! Whenever I set my boundaries or stand up for myself, the As in my life say I am being mean.
You did great! Give yourself a pat on the back, and pamper yourself in any other way that makes you feel good to let yourself know that you did a good job holding up the boundary that you had set.
Remember you can't set a boundary and worry about someone else feelings or what they think.
Good job on not responding to his comments about you being mean. That just means you're not playing his game anymore. Tough situation - still caring about the person he use to be and taking care of you. Try to remember you deserve to live Happy, joyous & Free.
ODAT,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
