The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am amazed with all the progress in recovery I have been making. I was able to tell my AH it was time to end it last January. Through recovery, I was able to tell him to go when it got to a point that I was no longer willing to tolerate with relative ease. I didn't have to mean about it. I didn't get upset about it, nor did I question (not once) "Am I doing the right thing". It couldn't have been any clearer to me at the time.
I haven't been so busy lately that my minds has been consumed with other things really. Today, I went and pick the youngest up from daycare and told them I would see them Friday. My friend asked what my plans were for tomorrow, I told him I had to drive into town and take my mid-term exam. I am not sure at what point I remembered I am obligated to be somewhere else tomorrow.
The final for the divorce is tomorrow. It is just another day to me and that is great. I don't have any dark feelings, I am not jumping for joy like a teenager getting a driver's license either. We have a child together, we have to have a relationship in order to raise her. Not saying we have to be buddies. Just on civil ground. We have been for the most part. There are very clear boundaries that are not meant to be crossed.
Before, I came to the program and if I was going through this. I would be spitting fire at him and the whole situation. I wouldn't have had the closure I needed. I would have needed every person in my family in that room, much like the first divorce. I don't need any of it.
The turning point in applying my program to this, was dignity. I made myself at every turn refer to him as the hubby or by his real name....not @#!@# or ^&%! which seems to run very popular for some. At first, I thought it was because I was giving him the dignity he needed. I was really giving it to myself more than anything. I made it a goal to not say anything negative about him. I am not just talking about "in front of the kids", I mean period. He is not a bad person by any strech, he is an A, he has done some horrible things. Who am I to judge though. I am human and I have done many, many horrible things and to more than one person.
Keeping that part of me calm, made it so easy to deal with it all. Cerntainly, when he comes up with something brillant to say or do.....I notice in the grand scheme of things, I don't react at all. Unless, it has crossed some sort of boundaries and ijust take the next right step.
Now, my sister has just called me. Do I need to go with you tomorrow? I can be there? LOL I just told her pretty much what I just wrote you guys.
Thanks for sharing that. That is a lot of growth! Isn't it wonderful how we can go through situations that would have once devasted us with a new attitude of courage, faith and knowing that things are going as they should and we are going to be just great!
Congrats on your serenity!! It is a long road but in the end a feeling of great accomplishement. Thanks for showing those in the same situation how it is done and that it's possible.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am so thrilled to see your share. Thank you for sharing this positive point of view. I hope I can get to there. I do know the sense of catastrophe I felt around relationships. I got divorced a long time ago and I did not know how to deal with it. Break ups are often catastrophic for me. So it is wonderful to read of this great strength you have. Thank you for this I needed it today.
