The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not even sure how you spell june bug, but it is cerntainly how I feel. Have you ever noticed how june bugs fly around blindly and bouce off of stuff. They fall down on the ground, get stuck on their backs for a while then somehow manage to get back up and off in to the air they go. It always seems to be progress and not perfection for them. Some don't make it. Many of them do. I guess it all would depend how much effort they put into it.
This is me today. The june-bug. Haven't had a day such as this in months. It always takes me by surprise. I started out irritated this morning. Not feeling well. Frustrated with my 20 billionth ovarian cyst that I have. The get them more and more, now two at a time and they stay around until what feels the like the end of time (few weeks). I have dealt with them for 15 years now. They seem to get a little more intense each time. I refuse to go to the dr. About three of the lovely things ago the Dr. wanted to do a hysteretomy (yeah...spell that puppy) the next day. I was still with my AH and couldn't trust that the kids would be safe foreven a day. I usually can suck it up and go on about my business. Except, they have become more painful over the last year.
Then, the AH calls to ask if he can come get his things that have been in my storage building for months since he moved out. I haven't had the need, want, or desire to "tiff with him". I went out to unlock the building before he got there. Took a mental inventory and went inside. He moved his things out along with several other things that were mine and the kids. I called him and told him I had not finished seperating those things. He swore he didn't take them....yadda yadda. So, I could see where this is going. "Let's make her thing she is crazy". So, I shut it down. Apoligized for being rude about it and mentally let it go at that moment. It was not worth it to me to give it power and say everything I was thinking. Much less consume myself with everything I was thinking. So, I let it go. great.
This weekend there is an AA/Alanon round-up I have been planning on attending for a couple of months. I asked my mother if she wouldn't mind watching the children for this weekend. Just as always, it is thrown off on to my sister weeks before. I knew my mom would do it. I even knew that my sister would back out at the last minute as well. That is what she does.
I take my kids to meetings with me all the time. My son has severe ADHD and ODD as well. His meds are no longer working as good. Although, taking them to an hour long meeting isn't going to kill them. Taking them to an all weekend long event might set them over the edge. I know that his behavior detracts others at the meetings and sure distracts me. He has started these power struggles with me at them to an extreme. There is light at the end of the tunnel where he is concerned.
I am irritated at myself for once again setting myself up for dissapointment. First I was upset with my sister. The only one I can be is me though. Tomorrow, I am going to go to the round-up with my children. I will just play it by ear. Worst case scenerio....I will see if their former over priced baby sitter can watch them. Mommy needs a short breather.
For months I have had some major things thrown my directions. I dealt with them as they came with relative ease. Major things, that as I sit here, I think about my pre-alanon days when I just might be rocking in a corner by then. Not at anytime did it feel like it was too much to handle. I am not really certain it feels that way now. Just don't feel as strong as I have been the last several months. June bug days are acceptable. It happens. There is a lot on my plate and I am not perfect. For today, I will go to bed and say my prayers. I will tell myself today was a great day. Tomorrow will be new, although I don't know what it has in store, it will still be a new day to put one foot in front of the other.
Thanks for the post. It really sounds like you do have a lot on your plate but seem to be holding on and are doing what you need to do for you. Your uplifting spirit is insrirational. You have reminded me of the importance of looking at the postives in life and starting the day over again if necessary. I can relate to the situation with your son.. my son has ocd, adhd, and tourettes. I'm sending you prayers and love.
What a great day it was. I woke up off my pity pot. Still hurting physically. Emotionally, I was great. June-Bug flys again. I decided to go to the round-up. My daughter at the last minute told me she didn't want to go. She called a friend and decided to spend the night with her. So, off my son and I went. He was very well behaved.
There were not many children there. He was very bored. A champ nontheless. I called my Mom after one of the meetings and asked if he could hang with her. So, I took him there. He was very excited. I went back to the round-up. I was able to see many, many people and talk to them. It was so wonderful. I spoke with a man who six years ago sat me down with himself another friend and grilled me on how I needed a program. I don't think they grilled me. I really think they just tried to give me their take on Alanon and I told them something like.....I bet they slaughter chickens in the middle of their meetings. I may not have listened real good then. I was pretty closed minded....but they planted the seed.
Daughter called and said she got sick. Told her to lay down for a little bit and see how she felt. She got sick again. Made the hour drive back to pick her up. They were at asleep. So, no daughter. It is okay though. I am very grateful for having been able to go to the round-up for any length of time. I will get my daughter in the morning and we will just see what tomorrow has in store for us.
Right now, I am going to take my rambling....tanked up on coffee self to bed. I am certain I am talking in circles and not making much sense at this point.
