I think what you're referring to honey is that you're getting happier and happier as your life becomes more and more manageable. And, as we yung'uns say "Duhhhh!" Of course you're happier now that the active alcholism is out of your life! It's like a house fire blown out of control--once the disaster's contained, it's like 1,000x easier to find a way to make life work again.

 You've recieved alot of feedback here about boundries, moving on and priorities. It wasn't for our health that we shared this with you. We shared it because we knew as soon as Mr Good For All Drunks was back in town, this would happen. The old feelings would come back, the old defense mechanisms would come back, and the insane behaviors would come full tilt. You shared with us that you were willing to do whatever it took to maintain the mental sanity and spiritual serenity that you and the children helped to build while he was gone. Now it's time to put the pedal to the metal and let the rubber meet the road in your program: What are YOU going to do to keep your program, your mental sanity and your spritual serenity in a forward facing direction? What are YOU going to do, as the responsible adult, to make sure the kids know that YOU will be there for them PERIOD? Where do YOU go from here?

 These are questions only YOU can answer. And remember, god don't make junk honey. Don't sell yourself short on talent or good thinking.

 Your feelings, dear, your feelings. Not his feelings; he can deal with his feelings--he was clear across the country and found a way to deal with his feelings. Enough so that he found a way to get back across the country to you, right?

  Ever heard the saying "The scenery has changed, but not the situation"? It's the root of all geographic cures, broken promises, et cetera. These, in turn, are the symptom of the dysfunction of the disease of alcholism.  When some of us discussed boundries with you, what we were saying is this: Boundries allow US to have a feeling of peace WITHIN us.  When defense mechanisms were discussed, what many of us said was (have GOT to stop saying "we"...what I'm TRYING to say is "What I heard OTHERS saying was...") that these were "stinking thinking behaviors:" they're the ways many of us RE-acted to the disease of alcholism as a way of trying to CONTROL the alcholism, and in the process simply used up energy, time, and good will toward wo/men.  All of these behaviors you CAN control--and you're doing fantastic! You're listening, asking for help, putting the behaviors into practice, and looking for ways to utilize the behaviors you see us using in our relationships.  Yahoo! That's the idea! Keep it up. 

 The idea of "detachment with love" is a personal, private process, and it's gonna mean something different to everyone. To some of us it means having absolutely no contact with our alcholic relatives; to others it means having very careful contact; and to others it means what the story in our literature defined it as, putting a blanket over the passed out alcholic. But the end result is the same: WE FEEL SAFE! We know we can be with ourselves, in our skin, by ourselves and we know that we can take care of ourselves.

I understand what I you mean when you say that being accused of doing things your not Im going throgh the same thing,,,,,

Nothing worse then doing nothing and accused of all sorts of things.