The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A/CH husband has been out of the house for 1 week. The first night he spent with a friend. The next day, his brother-in-law convinced him to go into the hospital for a few days. He checked himself right back out a couple days later.
He had an opportunity to stay with his sister and her husband. They offered to let him stay as long as he was getting help for his drinking and drugging. He stayed there 1 or maybe 2 days then took off and spent all day Sunday at the bar(s). His brother-in-law said "that's it, you're out." His brother-in-law's father is an A and his sister is a drug addict... he's been through this stuff.
So, apparently, he's been sleeping in his truck for the last 2 nights.
He has made many phone calls and got many people concerned for him.
How do I know all of this? His friends and family keep calling and updating me. I haven't asked them to do it and I may have to tell them to stop! I'm not sure I want to know anymore! The good news is that all of his friends and family are giving him the same message... GET SOME HELP!!!!
I just don't understand why, when he has all these people that care about him and want him to get better, that he wont do it. Is he doing this for attention? Why would he make a choice to sleep in his truck? He had a place to stay and people to help him.
Since he has no job and no income right now, he hasn't given me any money to pay the bills and the mortgage. He's been running up our cell phone bill. I had to shut off his cell phone service yesterday. I feel bad about it, but I just can't afford to pay for his phone when he's not helping with the bills.
I listed the house with the realtor yesterday. My sister, some friends, and I have been working really hard to get my things packed and get the house cleaned up for showing. There's a lot to do. I found out yesterday that the divorce can't be finalized until the house sells.
Just wanted to keep you all updated. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, and coming down with a cold. Just what I need! I just keep thinking SHORT TERM PAIN, LONG TERM GAIN!
Thanks for being here...
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Good to hear from you!! Well of course you are getting a cold. Going thru all this stress your bodies resistance is down.
I hope your house sells fast and you find a little place that is home for you.
He is not ready to stop Arty. This is how strong the disease is. I am so glad people will not allow him to stay if he is using. If they do, they are enabling and making things so easy for the disease.
He would like nothing more than to be at someones house and be able to use.
I would tell people,"I don't want to hear about A. I am taking care of me now." period. It is still a way for the disease to get you down, when people tell ya about him. I would put a boundary up there.
I know I do better now that I never hear from A or or know where he is.
Does not mean I don't care or I don't love him, it means I know I cannot control him anyway. So why subject myself to hearing how horrible he is doing?
Well you make sure you rest too. Don't allow anyone to push you!! Life is a long as it is, and things take the time they do. I am so tired of this hurry hurry bs. I don't put up with it.
We are not computers,,even though the computers are trying to make us like that.
Remember when all our October bills were paid the beginning of October or the end of October? Now they are due all over the place and no grace period. Not set up for humans anymore.
If you can, when you think of him, say stop and put in something about you. You are very brave and courageous, and taking one step at a time.
do not forget you are hurting. This is a major loss, many major losses. That itself is enough to make you tired.
good for you for following thru. Sending my love,debilyn
I just want to say that you are doing fantabulous. I know it's extremely hard for you right now but I'm on the outside looking in and thinking "My God, that woman is a rock"
There's no sence in questiong why your A is doing what he is doing. Only he knows, then again, maybe he doesn't. In any case...You are doing an awesome job. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll get to where you want to be :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
There's a part of the acceptance pamphlet that says "we can only help people who want help, who are willing to be helped, and only when they ask for help. And even then, we can only help them help themselves."
It's not on you to help him help himself. Remember about the leads, honey: Not a one, Not a SINGLE ONE EVER said, "When she let me come back, I got sober." 100s, of 1,000s of ones ALWAYS SAID, "When I was homeless, broke, and without a thing, I realized I had to get sober."
BTW, you can tell them that it's not your business how or what he's doing. That you're a might pre occupied right now and you can't handle any more bad news. You CAN set that boundry.
