The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sit here, completely exhausted from my day. My husband is out smoking crack again. Who knows where. My emotions have gone from not caring to crazy rages on his cell phone voice mail, to calming down and reading my kids a book to help them sleep. Now I have logged on here, if for nothing else to keep me focused. I am focusing on me. I closed up my shore house today, by myself, drove for four hours and on the drive home is when I was alone and sitting in traffic and succommed (sp?) to the voice mail rages. I came in the house, my kids were excited to see me, I was a maniac. I apologized to them, got a shower, calmed down, read them a book and tucked them in. It's amazing the power little people have and I have 'Amelia Bedelia' to thank. I am glad I am so exhausted from working so hard today. I am going to take some Advil and go to sleep. I don't care if he calls, I am not calling him anymore tonight. I say that with calmness. He is the one out there dealing with his devils and I am not there, I am not part of that, and no amount of worrying or lack of sleeping is going to help me figure it out. I am glad for this moment, anyway, that I have taken this problem out of my hands. Tomorrow is another day. For this moment in time, I am focusing on me and going to sleep. That is as far as my plans go. Am I making progress? I don't know, but I feel good, just for this moment.
you are doing great. my ex ah was a crack addict too. it wasn't like he be gone at the bar till 2 or be passed out drunk at home. when he would binge it would last for tops a week and the inbetween times he was relativly ok. i used to find it so incredibly hard to turn my focus to my kids when he was out there. i would be a raving b*tch to them and no way did they deserve it. so score one for you! that you recognized your stress and changed it and gave your kids at least one stable parent tonight is something you can be proud of. keep up the good work. you are not alone!
I am glad for this moment, anyway, that I have taken this problem out of my hands. Tomorrow is another day. For this moment in time, I am focusing on me and going to sleep. That is as far as my plans go. Am I making progress? I don't know, but I feel good, just for this moment.
I think you are making progress too !! ODAT or OMAT if you have to. Whatever, it takes to get thru the day and the night.. Remember try to focus on you and the kids, they need you right now.
