hi there,

First off, I agree with the others; no one you should you how to feel.  Your feelings are your feelins and thoughts and opinions. No one has the right to make you feel guilty for how you feel.

I think it's honest to share how you feel/what you think.  I think if more people shared their feelings, the lawmakers and especially the offenders themselves might listen. I hate them too and I wish our laws were stricter... I'm even for corporal punishment; if someone can't use their hands or private parts appropriately -- if they are used to inflict harm upon another person, I say -- that person should lose the right  and privilege to have them: cut them off!  Then eveyone will know what the offender did; if someone doesn't have hands and a d*&^, then he can't abuse someone else. And wouldn't it be so humiliating? Hopefully the humiliation and possibility of a permanent penalty to other potential offenders would make them stop and think before they abused someone -- whether it's a child or an adult.  Maybe these ideas are offensive to some.  I don't care -- I just want to see fewer people being victims.

As a survivor of sexual abuse, I myself hate all pediphiles and I would shout it from the mountains if asked.  I am also a mother... and while I have been abused, I sought to protect my children, not turn around and abuse them or any other child.  Why did I turn out differently? I don't know.  I do know many pediphiles have been abused themselves, but to me, that's no excuse. There are plenty of ways to get help.

I have been trying to equip my boys with information and what to say since they were babies. I make sure they know that  no one, not even me or my husband or our pediatrician is allowed to touch them to make them or the other person feel good... They will always know when they are about to be touched and why (medical reasons only). And, they know that the only reason me or dad or the doctor would touch him is b/c of a medical issue he already knows about.  My older son and I practice and role play what he should say and do if someone tries to touch him or asks him to touch someone else. Education is the key to equip our children.  I knew it was wrong, but I didn't seek help when I was a child b/c I was afraid to tell. I wish I had told someone.

It's good to advocate for our children's safety and protection; helping them become aware that a "bad guy" can be dressed in a suit and tie or look like a scary guy (or, woman!) is important.  They need to know pediphiles can look like trustworthy people -- can even be people they know... so, mostly, they need to know that they are not to be touched in their private areas or be asked to touch someone else's private areas -- that it's against the law.  Tell your kids that they need to tell an adult if they have been asked to do something like that; that you will call the police.  Tell them what the abuser will say ("Don't tell or I'll kill you/ your parents/ etc.) -- that this is a lie to scare them into not telling. Educate and equip your children -- calmly, without making them fearful.

Anyway, I wish us all peace and  safety....

with love,

Lee Ann

 Feelings are complex entities. I heard in a lead yesterday "It's a good thing we in recovery don't get recognition for anything related to emotions. We'd all be failures there." It's true. None of us are here because publishers clearing house showed up with a check for 1 Million and a brand new life for us.

 That said, what my first thought was "Honey, it sounds like you need to sort this out with a professional." Any time any of us hold such deep contempt for such people, or entities, what that really is going  back to is something that happened in our past that

1) we haven't processed through--perhaps we have never been given the opportunity to safely look at the incedent, the series of incedents, or what has so heavily shaped our view of an issue, and it is leading us to "pigeon hole" or "box" people;

2) we were never ALLOWED to process through--I too am a sexual abuse survivor, and for MANY MANY MANY years I didn't think what my father had done to me or was continuing to do to me WAS abuse for a variety of reasons, and it wasn't until I reached recovery I was to learn that what happend wasn't simply abuse, but incest! I was beside myself--I was raised in SEVERE alcholic dysfunction, children were seen and NOT heard, my will did NOT count and any time I opened my moulth I got beaten black and blue for it. So of course I wasn't gonna ask about what happened to me! It wasn't safe to! But now I'm 23 years old--and I can CHOOSE to look at my past, with a professional, with a sponsor, with the steps and TRUST that I am SAFE and ALLOWED to question, be angry, be emotional and say "This was WRONG. That was UNFAIR. It put me in DANGER..."

The last thing that I feel professional intervention is ABSOLUTELY necessary for is 3) our sexuality is one of the key behaviors that shapes our prospectives in ALL of our relationships--I can honestly tell you that I have absolutely no fear of men because I have learned how to con, manipulate, humiliate, degradate, and be derisive toward ALL of them. By the single act of incest, I have learned what to say to men, how to say it to men, when to say what to men to get EXACTLY what I want--and I mean in my professional relationships, in my student relationships, in my recovery relationships, I have learned by how ****I**** was treated what to do to get what I want. And our sexual psychology is SO sensitive it generally needs a professionally trained individual to help us see our patterns and safely guide us to better behaviors, so that we feel EMPOWERED by better choices, and not VICTIMIZED by them.

 Your feelings are what make you human. Celebrate them. Relish them. But if you feel so disgusted and shut down whenever certain people walk into the room, I SERIOUSLY recommend you gain the help of a professional.