The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My life has taken a total change, some things by choice, and in many ways just were no alternative avenues to take.
I have heard from my so called husband, he is in detox, he is in for a big reality check when he gets out, I am saleing his car today, no one has the right to be on the road all messed up, I am not going to be responsible for him killing some innocent person....I have gone to the court house and filed the papers...wow that was tough.
So, this means by his choice...he has no car, no home and not much of anything...he put himself there and I am not playing mother to him one more minute of my life....
I however, am doing ok, a little saddened that my life is where it is an a little happy that I am moving forward...I am moving very slow, have been working alot, so exhausted mostly...I have my moments when I feel the pain of losing the life I have lived for 19 yrs....but, when I think about it, I lost my husband about 5 yrs ago....5 long painful yrs of rehabs and addiction.....
I know it's going to take me awhile to get it straight, and for the pain to ease but the thing is, I know have hope that it will....I am in total control of my future...I have the choice to decide how I will live...
I almost feel like I am dealing with a death, because in reality I am...I am dealing with the death of the man I once loved more than life....the addiction stole his very soul, he is no longer the man I would give my life for.....
So, day by day, it gets a little easier....I know it's going to be a long road, the thing is this road will get smoother as time goes by...
I refuse to live one more minute in the hellish world of addiction..I am searching for peace and serenity...
I asked God a couple of weeks ago to just lead, I said, dear lord I will just hold your hand, I truely beleive he is walking beside me right now, carrying me even at times...and I know in my very soul as long as I follow his lead.....everything will be ok...one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time...just for today...that is how I am going to live for now.....it's a matter of survival...and the only way I can get thru this....I have many tough things coming my way these coming weeks but, with his help and the help of my wonderful alanon family I know I will survive and begin to live my life once again...without the constant pain.....
We are here for you Andrea. You sound incredibly strong. I guess when they say "When the student is ready, the teacher (HP) appears," is so true. I love the image of you holding God's hand tightly. Reminds me of when I am feeling alone and I climb into bed and ask God to hug me while I sleep.
Love you, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You're doing a wonderful job of turning to your hp and looking forward to your life in recovery. It's inspirational to hear your strength even when things are hard, keep up the good work and be gentle with you.
I am glad that he has been found and has gone to detox. He has a tough road ahead of him. I hope he makes the right choices. But it is his choice to make.
You are a very brave, strong woman with great faith in your HP. I admire that quality in you very much. Know that we are behind you 150%. Whatever hurdles, whatever decisions, whatever comes to be, we are with you every step of the way.
I have great confidence that the children will be fine. They have a great role model in you. HP always answers are prayers in some way. It may not be in the way we had hoped or expected it to be. But things happen for a reason. "Adversity often activates a strength we did know we had."
Go ahead and grieve for what you once had. It is a death in the family. It needs to be honored, celebrated and said goodbye to. It's how we move on. It's how we heal.
As always my family will say extra prayers for you and your family dearest friend. Much love and blessings to you. Hug the kids for me. Tell them I am proud of them for being such good people and facing what they do.
Live strong, Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am glad that you now know where the A is. I am sure that must take some of the burden off. I hope your plan b is going well. I work on mine daily. I sometimes believe I am moving like molasses but I know in the few short months I have been here...I have got to the point where you are at many times, enough. I deserve more than this.
I also know that I have to turn it all over. I am looking for work all the time. I have a job, a draining, dysfunctional, tiring job and I am grateful for it. I know in order to move onto plan b I need another and I am prepared these days to make the monumental effort to do that.
God is holding your hand and carrying you! May He continue to give you strength and encouragement. Hope you kids are doing well. Our son is struggling....he is living out of the house, but we have hope. God has his heart and won't let him go! Many blessings to you friend!
I am so sorry to hear that your so is struggeling.....this disease gets ahold of a very persons soul and just fights them every minute of every day...this is a sad sad sate for someone to live in....
My husband use to be one of the best men I knew, kind, the best father a kid could ask for, loving with me, and a heart as big as the world....these are the reasons I stayed so very long...in the past 5 yrs he has lost everyone of these wonderful qualities.....he is now a shell of the man I loved.....
I am saying many prayers for you and your family Mel....I am praying everything will turn out well.....remember Mel people beat this every day....
((() Andrea one day at a time. You are holding the reins and choosing your own destiny. Very empowering and it shows a lot of strength in your character. Luv Leo xx
Just wanted to say I read this post earlier today.I didn't have a response, so much was going thru my mind.I can so relate.I use to think I wasn't that strong but am finding out I am stronger than I think,thanks to Alanon and MIP.
I am job hunting right now.I have to find a good job because my AH and I will be separating and I will have to support myself for the first time in my life.It's scary.I was sitting in the car today while AH went into the store and I started thinking about my job situation.I asked God to lead me to the job that is His will.Then I remembered your post.I LOVE the visual of God holding my hand and guiding me.It is such a comforting thought.I truly believe he does that when we ask so I know he is holding your hand and guiding you and giving you strength.
Take care of yourself.After you left the meeting tonite someone said "sometimes leaving is not just leaving the person, it's survival". So true.
It sounds like your HP is really working in your life... not only is your HP providing for you but for your AH. Hopefully, he will find help and and health in detox and rehab. As for you, it sounds like your HP is really there for you and you know it. That's a great feeling, even when we feel so down. It sounds like you have a great trust and faith in your HP. I'm sure your HP will carry you when you need to be carried and will give you the strength and courage to do what you need to do. I have found that whenever I was in a crisis or in a challenging place in my life, my HP always sent me someone or something to help me, showed me the way, or provided for me. Sometimes, I think God sent me a sign(s) that showed me that I was going in the right direction. Someone once told me, when things unfold naturally and you don't force it, that is God's will.... even when those things are really difficult to bear. There is comfort when it feels like the power of God is behind you or holding you up.
Keep staying close to your HP and your HP will stay close to you.
Thanks for your prayers......I so appreciate them. I do have hope and believe that God had a wonderful plan for my son. We have really distanced ourselves...our part....for now. I know my son has surrounded himself with really great people....we are trusting God. I continue to pray for you and your family! Please stay in touch!
I am very proud of you for taking control of your life. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like he died, I went through those feelings when I divorced my first husband. He was not an A, but when a relationship ends we grieve for what is no longer there. It is hard, but you are right...it does get easier. Remember I am here if you ever need me......day or night, just call!!!
