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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> questions about alanon
Post Info TOPIC: questions about alanon
violet


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questions about alanon
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hello everyone.  i'm new to this board.  i started posting a few days ago under my real name and decided to change to a pseudonym.  i started to worry that my Abf would decide to look at the site (AA) and then get curious about whether or not i've been posting and then he'd see what i'd written and...and that would be too exposing for me.


privacy.


i am writing now because i have questions about alanon.  i know that i am codependent.  my father was a binge drinker, worked nights, was not around a lot, and was a sort of rage-a-holic (PTSD).  his drinking was not and has not ever been acknowledged as the problem, his violence and abusiveness to my sister and me was 'the problem'.  i'm not even sure if anyone (including me) even thinks of him as an alcoholic.  there are many alcoholics on my father's side.  his father, his father's father.  there is a long family history of violence and abuse.  there are many women in my family (on both sides) who have given themselves up to take care of men who were alcoholics.  my mother...major codependent. 


i have an Abf (been seeing each other for about a year).  here are my questions.  where do i belong?  alanon or codependents anonymous?  both?  i've heard it is easier to work just one program and that i might think about sticking with one.  well, i've only been to one alanon meeting and one codependents anonymous meeting.  i felt at home at both.  i felt like both fit.  is it ok to attend both meetings?  don't both look at the same issues?  codependency?  help!  i need education! 


this board is helpful.  i am learning so much about myself from being here.  learning about taking responsibility for myself and having boundaries.  i am just having trouble with understanding the difference between alanon and coda.  i've read a bit about the evolution of aca, alanon, coda..but was wondering what the view was from the inside about what differentiates these programs. 


thanks!


 


 


 


 



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sld488


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Hi Violet,


Sure it might be easier to work one program.  But if you have time to devote to both, and you find what you need in both..... go to both.


If you feel you can't or don't want to do both then go to a few more meetings to each before deciding. I think it is suggested to attend 6 to 8 meeting before deciding which is best for you.


Thank you for your post. I am starting to realize I am codependent and would like to learn more.



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sld
lin0606


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I don't really know why it would be easier to work one program - they all come from the same place, and what you would learn from one would inform the other, just my opinion. There are certainly no rules that say you must do one, either or both - what ever works for you is best.

My husband is an alcoholic and crack addict. He goes to AA, CA, and NA, depending on which he can get to, which night works best for a meeting, what's going on in his life just now, etc. AA is easy to find anywhere, so that gets most of his business. If you want to go to other meetings, when travelling, for instance, you may find it harder to find a coda meeting than an alanon.

Trust yourself, give yourself a little time, and the answer to this question will become clear to you.

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bobump


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I think that only you can decide where you belong.


You already seem to 'qualify' for both.  You've said your a codie.  Someone's drinking as affected you, bingo, Alanon.  Also your use of the word 'the problem' set off my Adult Children of Alcoholics (acoa) bells.  They have in their philsophy what is called 'the problem'.


http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s


There are many that work multiple programs.  There is also a saying that one 12 step program is the gateway into another.  People in multiple programs are often affectionately labeled double, triple, etc winners. 


From others shares that I've heard, codependency while not an Al-anon topic in the literature, is a big issues for many Al-Anons.  A therepist I was seeing thought that the Al-anon program was working wonders for me because it allowed me to become aware of , accept and to try to take action in regards to my codependency.


I've read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and in the process of reading Codependents' Guide to the 12 Steps, both of which I think are beneficial to my recovery in addition to Alanon meetings and literature. 


You can try some meetings of each.  Alanon, Alanon Adult Children Meetings, CODA, and ACOA.  


Welcome to Recovery no matter which program or programs you choose.  Keep coming back !


Bob



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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are!  (added by me...in that special alanon way)
canadianguy


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I went to both groups, CODA and Al-Anon.  I found both to be of benefit, and they had many similarities as well....  You definitely "qualify" for Al-Anon, as it is clear from your brief post that alcohol, and likely alcoholics, have had an impact on your life....


Take care


Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
abbyal


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Hello violet , I think u just answered your own question , I am learning so much about myself on this board.  This is just my opinion but I believe that our program will take care of all of your problems  , co dependency is not a word that is used in al anon but we all know it is an issue when I am only happy if someone else is  happy there is definetly somthin wrong with me.


Your A b/f also implies that your life ahs been affected by alcoholism , Al-Anon has got u covered .  Louise



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Mobirdie


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Violet, the bottom line to which meeting to go to is dependent on which one is working for you.  Personally I go to Al-Anon on Wednesday nights, chair a different Al-Anon on Tuesday nights and attend an NA group on Thursday nights.  I always find something to take home with me from all of the meetings. 


As for qualifying for any group, we all probably qualify for just about all groups if we look at our family history hard enough.  I have found that all groups use the same 12 steps, and most use the same books.  So go to the meetings that you get the most out of. 



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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Karilynn


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((((((((((Violet)))))))),


Welcome home!   Does that answer your question?


Live strong,


Karilynn & Pipers Kitty



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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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