I noticed in another post that someone had given a description of her first face to face, and I thought "What a good idea". So many people here are not quite sure if they are ready to go to a f2f - maybe if a few of us who do go describe what it's like at ours, it won't be so intimidating.

The f2f I usually go to is held once a week, in the evening. It's in a govenment building, that also has a lot of other things going on in the evenings (first aid courses, prenatal classes, etc) so it's not really obvious to everyone driving by who sees your car parked there why you're there. There's a sign on the front door directing you to the room the meeting is in.

We just have a small room, I think it may be the lunchroom for the employees in the building. Room for maybe twenty chairs tops, we push a few table together and make a circle. There's hot water so you can make yourself instant coffee or tea or hot chocolate, a table with alanon literature, and stand of pamphlets. A little sign hangs on the door that says "Alanon spoken here" so you know you're in the right place.

If you were to come in there as a new member, we would smile at you and say hi, and maybe ask if you were new. If you said yes, we'd give you a newcomers package, and say something small and friendly. We would not ask you who the A in your life was, or any questions at all, really. We'd help you find a seat, ask if you wanted coffee.

Eventually the chair would look at the clock and start the meeting. We start with a moment of silence, then the serenity prayer. We read out the opening, and read the steps and traditions in turn around the table. We introduce ourselves by first name around the table. At my meetings, there are from three to ten people, usually. The chair reads out a few pieces of CAL (conference approved literature) and then asks anyone who wants, to start. We allow sharing on the topics raised by the readings, or on any other topic. Whoever wants to start is first - there is usually a minute or two until someone decides to start. They share, and the others are quiet, not commenting. Usually the shares then go around the table, taking it in turns. You can pass if you like, no problem., Once everyone has had a chance, we usually cross talk a little - commenting on things that we have heard "When you said that about your mother, it reminded me about my dad...." Sometimes we offer encouragement to someone going through a hard time - "That was a big step to take, good for you" but we seldom really talk directly about what has been said. You are *very* unlikely to hear anything like "Why don't you leave him?" at an alanon meeting. I have never seen an alanon meeting without a box of kleenex on the table - crying is common, not remarkable.

When everyone has said what they need to, and time is up (our meetings run about an hour) the chair reads the closing, and we rise for the Lord's Prayer. If you don't want to pray, you just don't, no big deal. Then we all pitch in to clear up, and people hang around for a few minutes talking. There are lots of hugs - don't be surprised if you get hugged on your first meeting, but if that makes you uncomfortable, these people are pretty good at body language, and will pick up on it.

That's what my meetings are like.