The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to all who posted yesterday with their wonderful words of wisdom and experience. I love that we have each other to bounce off difficult situations that pop up with our A's. I was able to have a conversation with my A yesterday about my car. I let him know that I expect that he'll participate once we see our way financially clear to get the car sanded, buffed, and repainted. I also let him know that I really was not comfortable with him or anyone driving my car. I simply said if I wreck that's my responsibility, but I feel violated and almost sabotaged when someone else takes my vehicle and it comes back damaged. This has happened twice to me. He got angry, huffed and puffed and hung up the phone on me. That's o.k. I expected it because that's his response to anything I set boundaries too. I explained to my sponsor that he'll try and manipulate me to get me to cave on this issue. Its like he can't stand it when I stick to my boundaries, I feel he wants me to cave so he can feel powerful, but then I look weak and he doesn't like me to look weak or vulnerable either. Its like a double edged sword to me.
The A did get the job that he was out there interviewing for that night. Its much better money and he'll be working days only and have his Saturdays and Sundays off. One good thing I will say is that he had some fears about leaving his current employer because he's been there for a while and he is tired of job hopping. I think he's finally started admitting and taking responsibility that his resume reads like a track map and most of it is B.S because he's moved around so much. I'm hoping this job will be all it sounds to be. I'm giving it to HP because its not my job, I don't have to do the work, and can't make those decisions for my A. What feels good to me is that I'm standing up for myself and not holding a grudge, just staying positive but I feel stronger and more empowered about myself than I have in a while. Have a blessed day.
Letting Go One Step At A Time,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
That is great that you were able to voice your need to control your car. When things are tight, taking chances with something as important as your transportation is really a risk.
You know it really may help him that he found a new (better) job. Self-esteem seems to play such a huge part in attitude and growth in my house. When my AW or ASon feels guilty about something, all hell breaks loose, but on the other hand if they step up and make some headway it helps them to cope better. Heck it helps me too.
I soo appreciate everyone being here to work things out with. It is really a blessing. Thanks for being here and sharing!
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 12:13, 2006-09-27
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
