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Well I am going on 7 days of not knowing where my husband is, I saw him on Sunday for a minute and what a sad site it was....how in the world can anyone let the addiction take such control over your very life....
I am hanging on for dear life, as soon as I can, I am filing for divorce.....It's a hard reality I have had to face....with my work schedule just haven't had time or the cash, I will real soon...my son is so angry....I try to talk to him and tell him zach you have me hon and we will be ok, he says I know mom but, I am just 14 and and this is killing me...how can a father do this to a child....I will never as long as I live understand that one...
I am trying to find his car so I can sale it and fix my jeep...why should he have anything, he has put this family on the bottom for the last time...now i am just plain fed up with all of it and I am taking actions to better life for me and my kids....if he kills someone or hits someone while he is driving drunk me and the kids can lose our home and I am trying not to let that happen...I have reported it stolen....so I am praying the cops will find it....
So that is my life right now...I know it will get better...haning on odat.....
I believe the addiction grips them...The addiction is in control - not those who are inflicted. He is suffering too. I know this is hard to understand at times, and indeed I have to remind myself of this a lot. And I know that this does not in any way excuse the awful behaviour, that we often have to endure.
But, you are so right, you have to protect yourself and your family firstly.
I hope you hear some good news soon. Try to keep on being strong.
Sending you love and prayers for you and your family. AM
I am so sorry you are going through this and I am even more sorry for your children. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but sadly I don't. The good news is HP (whom I call God) is in control and I pray he fills you with His wisdom.
It is so difficult to believe that any father could put himself before his children, but sadly when inflicted with this incidious disease, that happens all too often. Your hubby is just too sick to even see who he is or what he is doing to himself, let alone his family. But, that is his "stuff" to deal with. You are getting well in your recovery and you are moving forward, doing what is best for you and for your children. You can be proud of that. You can find peace in that, my dear friend.
So, as you are working your way through this journey, do it with pride and confidence that you are doing what you have to do. You are a good person, Andrea.......a strong woman. You will make it through all of this with yourself intact.....something it seems your husband won't be doing. How very sad for him. I do feel compassion for him and will pray for all of you, including him.
You are doing good, dear Andrea. Hang in there, knowing you have people here who care so much about you.
My heart goes out to you and Zach. I can handle about anything better then a hurt child. I can kind of understand where he is coming from when saying "you still have me" just doesn't ease his pain. When I lost my daughter people would say "at least you have other children". I know they meant well but one certainly can't replace one with the other. It is most likely the same for him. You are just not Dad. Would he consider attending Alateen? If there are none near, there are meetings at MIP. I hope Zach can grasp what the disease is and not take his Father's action personally. I'm sure he loves Zach, but the disease is bigger then all of you right now.
Take care my friend, Christy (Cjo)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
First off, I want you to know that we will stand behind you no matter what happens.
I want to recommend that you listen to the lawyer. (Like you have to be told that! ) Ask him/her questions--if you don't understand, you don't feel comfortable, something doesn't "gel" speak up! You have a right to ask questions, change your mind, make decisions, and take actions in the name of your own best interest.
Your lawyer, being a professional, may also know of a councelor for your son. His anger is understandable. I know I was PLENTY angry when my parents divorced. But it's your lawyer's job to be active in his/her community, or at least to have consults with people who can help make this very significant change as easy as it can be for all you all.
Lastly, please know that I love you. If ever you need to borrow courage or just need to talk, I'm here.
Yes, it will get better.Keep looking out for you and your son.Remember you are worth it.Some day Zach will understand, he is so young right now.How can they be expected to understand when we adults seldom do?
You go girl-If you don't stop it now your exactly right somehow you'll get the brunt end of the stick!! You don't want to have to pay for a dui or like you said you can't let him kill a family of four- I wish you the best of luck-Stick to your guns don't let him manipulate you when he seeks help he'll undrestand!! Be ready because he's gonna be pissed. Tell your son to hang in there,is he going to ala-teen? maybe something to help him see this is a addiction and problem like no other. My father to was a A and i wish i'd had this kind of support than- You are both in my prayers!!
I know I am often in the mode of feeling I have to take endless actions to initiate and take care of plan b. I also know that I have always been too "ready" to take on the A's problems. I work daily on unentangling myself. I also know that there is only so much one can do physically and mentally. Whatever your A is doing the control is within him. He undoubtedly knows this is the last straw for you. I am so so glad for you that you have managed to get this job. I also know a new job is a tremendous strain not to mention taking care of your children along with it. That is some of my anger at the A, when he has one of his temper tantrums and takes off it is all about "him" and his needs. He leaves all the pets for me to take care of, pets who he claims to care so much for. They seem so oblivious of responsibility or understanding about anyone else but themselves. I used to make excuses for that and wonder how I could "help" now I am just fed up with it.
Take care of yourself. Turn it over. However the A turns up he will turn up. Remember you have been through this before a zillion times. You do not have to exhaust yourself in the process. You need your energy for you, for your new job and for your future.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. I haven't been on the boards in several days due to my work schedule. This must be driving you crazy.
Zach and your daughter will pull through this. They have you and have seen how much you've had to indure. You are an excellent role model for them. Give Zach some time. Hubby's son was pretty angry at him too. But the anger subsided when he realized that Dad was sick. He may not forgive him for hurting his family for a while. But he'll come to accept it.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers as always dearest friend. We love you dearly. Give the kids an extra hug for me and make sure they hug you extra for me. Much love and blessings.
Live strong,
Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I hope you get this message.....addiction is a very selfish disease, they don't think of anyone, but themselves! I'm so sorry....but I do know your pain! As a parent, it has been one of the hardest things ever! Hang in there, and do what you need to do.....trust God, He is there for you. I am praying for you and your kids. Love you!
) Ask him/her questions--if you don't understand, you don't feel comfortable, something doesn't "gel" speak up! You have a right to ask questions, change your mind, make decisions, and take actions in the name of your own best interest. 