The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Life has been good to me, I have a lot that others don't have, haven't really had to work hard, not hit on, physically that is, and two beautiful boys; so why am I so miserable and lonely. Well maybe it is because my AH has decided after 18 years of sobriety that he can handle drinking just a bit, WRONG! Having taught our boys that it is wrong and apologizing for his earlier behavior and straightening up his act ( totally, got it right with God and became very active in church, trying to set good example for the kids) has done a complete melt down on his morals. I am dumbfounded, I am alone, I am angry, I am HURT, do I leave this Man or attend a meeting every day of my life so I can cope. It has been a year now and I keep thinking it will pass, it will pass, this is maybe middle age crazy. But as others have said I need to take care of myself and wonder do I want to spend the second part of my life in fear all the time. Is it me, as he has said I drink to cope with you, I know that is an old comeback but it still hurts and angers me because I have been through it all with him, stood by him and took up for him and now this.Something is terribly wrong here, I am about to explode, at times I just go numb. Lakegirl
Welcome to the MIP family. It breaks my heart when an A relapses. Some relapse for a short period of time, some never come back. That's the horrifying part of this disease. While I accept my responsibility for my part in the relationship, I do not accept the fact that I trigger my husband. He use to pull that one me. Now that he is sober he reminds me that they have 2 choices, drink or don't. They don't need an excuse. Now I do accept the premise that there are reasons behind the drinking that they are trying to numb: i.e. abuse, physical pain, etc. One never really knows what will maje an A pick up a drink after long term sobriety. It's what scares me about this disease the most.
Only you can make the decision whether to stay or go. For me, I know I can't live with an active alcoholic. It's just not in me. But that's me. I don't blame you for being angry. I hate this disease with all my being. But I know from the strength of this program, I won't allow this disease to kill me. Whatever you decide we will always be here for you. Come join for our online meetings or in the chat rooms. Take good care of yourself.
Remember: recovery means living the life you are entitled to and deserve. It's about taking back your life.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Lakegirl, I hate to hear that this has happened. My own A fell after a 25-year sobriety. He binges once in a great while, and it tears me up. I tell you this only because, while no one knows how another feels, I can relate to the pain and anguish you are experiencing. None of us can advise you about whether or not to go; that decision must come from your own heart and mind. But surely you want to find the serenity it takes to deal with the problem. AlAnon can help, and we can help too. You will be amazed at the loving and caring on this board. Come back often.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hi Lakegirl - that sets me off! To say he drinks to cope with you. I hope you know Alanon's 3-C's and keep them nearby at all times: We didn't cause it, We can't control it and We can't cure it. If you can find your way to face-to-face meetings and keep coming here, you can find support that is crucial to having an active a around. It helps us lift the veil, to see more clearly and often to find joy and peace whether the alcoholic or addict is active or not. For me, attending meetings showed me I am not alone, I am not shameful and I am worth my own attention. I am worthy in general, which was not the message I got staying home. In support --- Jill
I hear the sadness.This darn disease!! Do not accept that he drinks because of you.My AH used to say he drank 'to bury' me, but he has been sober 17 years now in AA and he says it had nothing to do with me.They say that to try to justify the drinking but they drink because they are alcoholics.He made the choice to drink again, he is the one responsible for it,no one else.
I am glad you found MIP.I hope you keep coming and sharing.You are not alone.
It occurs to me: are you familiar with your A's home group? Perhaps there is a phone list of someone there you could call? Asking for help is not tattling. You're intervining. Besides, someone there will have more pull than you will. Also, they can help you if you ask. The AAs and the Al anons
