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hi havent posted in a couple weeks..but this past weekend i went away to disney with my mother in law,daughter and granddaughter{went from sat to tuesday}on friday the day before we went my AH wanted to go out so i took him to the bar{he went to the bar that deals with drugs}well anyways i went to pick him up at 1 am we came home and i told him that when we leave in the morning to go to orlando that i was taking the car cause my stuff and my daughter and granddaughter belongs would not all fit in my mother in laws car,so he said it was ok{plus i thought with me taking my car that would keep him from going out drinking}i took his credit card and he had 20 dollars for the weekend, on sat morning i went though his pockets and found a rolled up dollar bill he came in the room when i took it out i asked him did you do drugs at the bar he said yes.....my son in law stayed home most of the weekend,when i got home on tuesday something didnt seem right,when i went to pick him up from work i asked him about the truck that my son in law took him to look at,he said the guy for the truck never showed....but my son in law said he did and that he took it out for a test ride,but why did he lie.he finally addmitted to going to see the truck.i asked him if he was drinking while i was gone he kept saying no..later in the evening talking to my son in law i found out that he was pretty drunk on sunday,but son in law said that is all he is going to say...so my son in law and AH i feel are keeping something from me..i really dont like that..my son in law should tell me what happened instead of keeping it from me,i mean with my AH LIEING TO ME AN ALL why....why lie.....what did he do i need to know maybe i will found out soon who knows..i guess if he goes out drinking this weekend and when he is drunk i will found out....but tonite when he got home work he was in a mood,he asked if i got the money to buy a truck i said yes he wants to buy a new truck and put 2000 on it i said i dont have that much only 1000 he said i thought you had 7000 i said no he goes well i guess im not a getting a truck,you have a nice car {which the payments and car r in my name only}and i have to have a piece of shit truck so im not getting one{you will all be proud of me on the next thing}i didnt yell at him for forgetting what i told him a week ago i put a smile on my face and said we can find something with a 1000 down,,he went in the livingroom and had a mood all nite....i want to get him a truck so he can put that in his name so if he ever gets in an accident or stopped by the cops for drinking or driving it will be on him and my car will be safe plus in a couple weeks im going on a cruise with my mother in law for 9 days and i dont want to leave my car at home{if he dont have one}cause im afraid he will be stopped for drinking and driving or get in an accident while drinking and driving then i will be in trouble i will be stuck with a car payment and no car....im afraid to go on this cruise with my mother in law if he doesnt have a truck by then...cause i know while im gone he will be out doing drugs and drinking and doing god knows what with my car...i wish he would move out but with all the bills{house note and car payment is the biggest bills}i know i cant afford to have him move out so AT THE PRESENT TIME IM STUCK well thanks for letting me vent
Sounds like he's doing what alcoholics do - drinking, and lying. You don't really need to know the details; you can assume that if he has the chance to drink, he will, and let it go.
Any way to protect your car while you are gone - leaving it parked at the airport maybe? His transportation is his problem, not yours. Take care of yourself, you know that he won't take care ofyou.
even though you have to live with it for now, you can still find time for yourself and what you would like to do. easier said thatn done I know, but you can do it if you really want to. great advce from lin I would say...don't get caught up in the details of his life. he will do what he's going to do regardless of whether or not you are upset. you won't change that . but you can make it easier on yourself by trying to detatch. he's gripped by his insidious disease and you have no control over it...
you do have control over you though...if you chose to take it.....
I often remember whenever I am upset with my father for drinking something I hear often from an al anon old timer "Pidgeons do what pidgeons do. If you sit under their tree, they'll poop on you."
Your husband is behaving like someone in disease. Go and have fun. Occupy your mind with something else. Take lots of photos. Tell us about it later.
i will take lots of photos and when i get home i will post and tell you all about it..im excited about going away for 9 days,just to get away from him and the booze and drugs..but im also worried about what is going to happen while im gone...but i am going to go buy if a car or truck but.....it is going to be on my terms and what i can afford,so that way my car is safe,i am also taking the my car to his mothers house so he cant get near it..im not going to let this ruin my fun in 2 weeks...i do love him,but i only the man who is clean and sober from drugs and alcohol and is taking his meds for his bipolar disorder...i guess this is justing wishful hoping but im hoping when i am gone that he will get stopped by the cops for drinking and driving,im also thinking of something i should never think about and that is that he will get in an accident...i know i shouldnt think that,but the disease makes you think that well thanks,coming here and posting and reading other posts makes me feel better,and i know there r alot of people out there dealing with the same thing i am,i am so happy that i have found my alalon family,you all are so great and thanks for the words of wisdom..and i will keep looking up to my hp for wisdom and to know the differance
I remember feeling like that - wishing he would just get in an accident and die. It's not that I really wished him harm, I just couldn't see a way out of the mess my life was in. Looking back now, I see how sick that was - wishing death on someone I love rather than do the work necessary to get healthy. You 're right, it's just the disease. And, you're doing something I didn't do until much later - helping yourself and reaching for recovery. Good for you.
I used to be the grand inquisition about his using. Now I challenge myself to ignore whether he is or not. I try not to look at the glasses left around the house, just all of those signs. It steals from my happiness. I gave myself a break, I stopped being the jailer and fond things that bring me peace. I hope you can find it for yourself. In support --- Jill
