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Me again. My husband has called me several times this afternoon begging and pleading with me for 1 more chance. I just don't think I can do it.
He's talked to a few people about killing himself. He even left me a fake suicide phone message on Monday morning. He was very drunk and high on cocaine, got out his shotgun or rifle and told me he wanted me to see him splattered all over our backyard, then fired the gun and hung up. Today he mentioned buying some sleeping pills. I don't know if he really did or not. I'm concerned about him. I'm not exactly sure what to do at this point. I'm currently staying in another town with my mom. I don't really feel that running to be by his side is such a good idea at this point. I don't know if he's serious or just being a drama queen.
arty
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I am so sorry you are having to put up with that. Since that same basic situation came up with me and my AW this past weekend I will share what I have resolved to do next time... and every time one of the a's in my life offers me a threat of suicide.
I will call 911 and send the authorities there. If she is just blowing smoke, she can deal with that. If she is not... they know what to do.
Either way, I can feel good about not having to make decissions based on nonsense.
Good luck, and I will pray for you both. My HP is good at multitasking.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I am sorry you are going through this right now.... I don't know what to tell you except if you really think he is serious call the police where he is and tell them he is threatening suicide? I don't have any experience in a matter like this but I think that is what I would end up doing.
My prayers are with you and heartfelt support. Try to remember to breathe, I know you must be panicked...
Last Oct. I was severely depressed, and on my way to see my therapist. The car battery was dead, I was so frustrated, I really needed to see her. I called therapist from my car, moaning about car won't start, crying, told her if I COULD get it started, I would crash it. UH OH. Wrong thing to say to a therapist. Next thing I know, police, ambulance, etc. are pulling up in the driveway behind my car. I was MADE to go to the hospital, and signed in for 3 days. Was I really suicidal, I don't think so. But, I had made what she perceived as a threat, and followed through with it. They have to take it seriously. At first I was furious, then I realized she did it because she cared about my well being. Of course, my AH thought the whole thing was silly, and that I was behaving silly. He did not understand, and never will, the depth of my pain over his alcoholism.
I think, looking back, sh(the therapist) was right to take it seriously... I was put in the mental ward at the hospital, but they have lots of help, lots of people there to help, I wasn't just kept doped up. They had classes all day long every day. And AA meetings. Lots of the people there had the same problem I did, needed Alanon. Lots of them needed AA.
All in all, it was not a bad experience. A little terrifying at first, to see the police and ambulance, and the men telling me to get in the ambulance. I've never been even arrested before, so I was scared. But. I started the road to my own recovery soon after that incident, within 2 months. And I have never forgotten what I found during some of the classes.
I think if you are scared, you should call 911 and let them take it from there. You never know.
Hello arty , well I sure hope u saved that message where he fired the gun , just in case I would contact the police play them the tape if they feel that he is a threat to himself or anyone else they will pick him up and take him to phyc ward where he will get the help he needs.
If it was just a threat to make u take him back he will be ticked but tough , you would never forgive yourself if he did harm himself. Anyone that would leave that kind of message is desperatly ill mentally , he needs help . Its not your job to keep him safe but again I would seriously call the police and let them make the choice what to do about it . good luck Louise
Sweetie even if he is serious, what can you do anyway? I have heard the same thing from so many. When the disease is losing grip at controlling you, it brings out the ole, suicide thing.
I know it is hard Arty, my A has tried to do it about 4 times now. We can do NOTHING to stop them. We cannot control their using what makes us think we can control the other insane things they say or do?
Don't know where my A is, don't want to know. I love him still of course. Hate the disease. But the more he stays away, the more I don't think about him.
What makes you take his calls? What good does it do?
Arty, we know he has to quit for HIM. You coming home only means his disease needs you to enable him, make things easier on the disease.
He NEEDS to feel crummy. He NEEDS to be in the gutter, the er whatever. The man you love is inside that body. That body has got to get sick enough for your husband to say, enough, I cannot take anymore and stop the dang disease himself. He HAS to find his power with his hp to know he can do it and cont. to do it.
Please take care of you. believe me I know it is hard. I am working so hard on my place, my body hurts. I keep being mad at my A for leaving me here alone.
I wonder when I will stop that? lol When ever I see him I tell him I yell at him out there all the time when I am trying to fix something or I get hurt fixing something...He says, "I am sure you do."
Well Arty good for you for being at your mom's. I know it is not easy.As it is, you are out of your home that is familiar.
Wow the gun thing is awful. I don't know if you can go there when he is not home, but to protect the neighbors you may want to get his guns.
My A hates guns. When he and his brother were little their mom would run and tell them to take their guns apart and hide them when dad came home drunk.
The A father would stick loaded guns in their faces. Horrible.
Thank you all for your responses. Thanks, Heidi, I did need to breathe... I was completely panicked. I'm doing better now.
I called some members of his family. His stepmom suggested that I call his cousin's husband, who's also his doctor. I told him what has been going on and described the gunshot voicemail (which I did save on my cell phone, by the way!). I gave him phone numbers and the address. He was going to try and talk to him. If he makes any threats while talking to him, I'm sure he'll know exactly what to do. I hope that was the right thing to do. It seems like it was.
I did think about taking the guns. I don't really like to touch them... they make me nervous. If I get back over there this week I may do that. Maybe I could just take them right over to a friend's house nearby and leave them there.
I'm quite comfy here at mom's house. She's on vacation so me and my 2 little dogs have the place to ourselves for the week!
Thanks again for being here.
arty
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I am so so glad that you are taking care of yourself and doing what you have to. I also think that you did the right thing letting go of the reins. Sometimes I think I am superwoman in all the stuff I did for the A.
Nowadays I don't think I am superwoman. I think I am a person in need of care and I give it to me. Good for your for taking care of you.
I have had the same problem lately, no gunshots but definitely threats I'm just going to go kill myself then.... and I say no you're not.
In all liklihood he's probably just trying to scare you like that'll make you want him back. LOL
In this situation I would DEFINITELY call the police if you know where he is and send them straight over.
Tiger said it if he is looking for attention he will definitely get it that way. My ex did the same thing its a control thing to try to keep you there but you know any logical person would be driven even farther away but something like that.
I would also have to agree with Debilyn about even taking the calls, you are setting yourself up to have to hear it. I put a collect call block on my phone so I didn't have to decide whether to take them or not anymore. That helped me a lot!
Threats of suicide is a way of causing you to be an emotional hostage.
I think it's great that you're planning to not answer his calls, but if you do and the threats continue - call 9-1-1.
FYI - my brother threatened and attempted suicied on five different occassions. My mother attempted suicide once. My daughter threatened suicide many times and attempted suicide once. I had no power to stop them - or to persuade them to not follow through on their actions. Each time - they were hospitalized. There are special doctors to deal with this type of behavior.
When there are guns involved the situation can be very scary and very dangerous, not just for your husband, but also for you and everyone else who is nearby.
The day before I left my alcoholic fiance, he brought his shotgun into the room while I was sleeping and woke me up. He was holding it like he was ready to shoot (not at me), and he asked me to take it from him before he did something stupid. He said he didn't want to live anymore. We had just had a huge arguement and he knew that I was finished letting his disease control my life anymore. He knew that I was leaving and was trying to scare me into staying. The next day I took his gun out of the house and left. Thinking back, I should have called the police but I didn't think that he was truly serious about his suicide threat.
Please be careful. If he continues to threaten, please call the police.
