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This is a money issue I hope it o.k to write about. My A is not working. He is sober almost one and a half years. I never pushed him to get a job he always said hw working on staying sober. He goes to two meeting a day. But I'm all tapped out. I have on more savings. I'm $700 short this month. He says HP will work things out. I don't think HP has any money coming are way. I would work more but he doesn't want to wacht the kids. It to much for him right now or so he says. What do I do. I'm going under. How do i get him off his a**. What do i do this month. If I don't pay bills thing will be shut off. No food your kids. I'm still short. HP I need help.
That's hard! Ya know, I have heard many AA old timers via conferences and speaker tapes...one of the first things they used to do back in "the old days" when those newcomers got sober, was send them out to get a job. So that they could become "self supporting" which is one of principals of these programs.
I know what I am saying doesnt help you any, it is just an observation. Anyway, I hope things work out for you with the bills this month. Hang in there and keep praying HP will work things out...hmmmm....maybe his HP will help out by inspiring him to do some footwork in the area of obtaining the necessary money to pay the bills.
Well ask him if allowing his family to go with out is part of his AA program.
Part of a program of recovery is taking responsibility for yourself and your family.
Also hp will take care of you. But we have to make the steps towards fixing what needs to be done, we accept the outcome of our hp.
Yes your utilities will get cut off if you cannot pay them. It may take that for your A to see that he better get off his pot and support his family.
I know it is harder when you have kids involved. There are places to go to get help with utilities. You can get food boxes. I know its a drag. But it may be what needs to happen to open his eyes.
It may be time to see where you can cut costs. I don't know your situation.
Home with less a payment, not so new of cars, turn things off. I sit in the dark at night and watch tv. I never have lights on during the day. rarely. I hang my cloths to dry.
Maybe he needs a wake up call hon. Maybe he needs a boundary.
I will not support you anymore. I love you but I have to feed the kids. Get a job or get out. period, but mean it. Not telling you what to do! just sorta thinking outloud.
Hp taking care of things does not mean it will be in any way you think it will. It may be you losing your home and having to move to one you can afford.
Well NIki , your a better woman than I am. time to set some boundaries me thinks . There is no reason a man should not be working to help support the family and yor statement that u would get another job except he dosent like to watch the kids just didnt' sit right with me at all.
So u have been supporting him for over a yr I would say that is long enough. You have done more than just support his efforts at sobriety . I hope u find the strengh to confront him about getting a job , Thousands of men and women have stayed sober and worked for yrs . Times up???
You know, some people even while attending AA don't forget how to manipulate. It's just my observation, but it seems he's presenting that if he works he may drink? Otherwise, why not work? He won't work or watch the kids? Seems it's still all about him. Wouldn't it be nice if you could take some time off and do a couple meetings a day to work on yourself? I'm sure you have issues too or you wouldn't be here. Why is his recovery more important then yours? My A was on his death bed, literally, from detoxing and 4 months later was back to work, becoming the man he wants to be. I agree with abby, time for him to step up or out.
Take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. My A has not worked for over a year. Only he is not even in recovery.
He does odd jobs occasionally to pay for his beer. But there is never any of his money for bills
He used to work for my step father, and it was always a big party there, everyone drunk by the end of the day, so at first i didnt mind him not working there.
So why not push him to get a 'real' job? You know as well as I do, in your case, at least he isnt drinking, and in mine, at least he isnt drinking as much.
we are both still stuck in the "looking after him" instead of "looking after ourselves"
The more i let my A bum around, the less confidence he has in himself as well. This leads to him being more depressed which leads to him wanting to drink more, which leads to being more depressed...... and it goes on and on.
How do we fix it? When we come up with a solution, we will have to share it together.
praying that things work out for you in HP's time and plan,
