The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It isn't all about me after all...last night my teenage daughter started yelling at me for "reading all the time"
She still believes that if I yell at him her father will stop drinking...if I call him he will come home etc
I finally told her to say what she needed to say to her father. I sat and listened as she cried to him and tried to reason with him...made him say outloud he had a problem. I didn't interfere I just watched and listened....this was something she needed to do ...she refuses to go to a meeting....hard to expect her to get to a place it took me too many years to get to. So sad for her...hoping I will be able to provide the emotional support she will need...I will try to lead by example. I bought her a daily reader for alateen but she doesn't like what it says...not ready to admit she is powerless and angry for me for feeling this way...
PS thanks for all your previous responses...soooo very helpful
For me, it took about 2.5 ys of recovery to fully come to the knowledge--in my heart--that absolutely nothing I could have or can do would ever stop my father's drinking. I still remember when I made the connection. I was sharing with a recovering al anon, and she looked at me, took my hand and said, "Honey, I want you to stop. I don't think you get it."
Me: "What don't I get?"
Her:"That there was absolutely nothing you could do."
me:Nothing I could do...
Her: That you were absolutely powerless over everything he did to you, your mom, your family. You're holding on to the delusion that you were responsible, honey, and you don't have that much power.
Me: Don't have that power....
Her: Your dad is an adult. He was always an adult. Making choices for him. You were the victim of the choices.
At this point,I broke down. I couldn't believe it or take it. I just couldn't believe how much I put myself under to try and stop the insanity. Only to realize, I never had the power. Period.
Elizabeth, I sure feel for your daughter. My bio-Dad was a A and I am pretty codependent. Once he asked me if I believed in Christ and I said YES. He said even Christ could not stop mankind from his path. He is dead now but I often think about that. Too bad she won't attend meetings.
