The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am getting ready to celebrate my 1-year anniversary in Al-Anon - yeah!
As many of us have, I have really struggled with getting my head around what detachment is, and last night I had a bit of a break through. I was completing an exercise on detachment in which I was asked to list my irrational beliefs (that were keeping me attached). I listed a bunch, but the two that stood out and rang the most true for me were: 1) If I just work hard enough and work, work, work on this situation, I can fix/change this situation/relationship. 2) If I say what I want/need/my perceptions over and over again, the situation will change/I will get what I want. As I listed those two things, it suddenly hit me that what I have to let go and detach from is these two beliefs. When I let go of the belief that I can use my will to change intractable, difficult situations/people/ relationships, it gives me a new lease on MY OWN life. Then, I can practice TRUE detachment--not cold behavior to ice the person out but a true understanding that my spirituality/emotional/physical destiny is seperate from another persons.
Thanks so much for your wisdom. That is a great idea to ask those two questions. It is usually about what we "want" isn't it? Accepting reality is a really challenging thing to do. Things rarely are what we want to turn out, I am finding. It seems the way I want my life to be, is just some kind of fantasy that keeps getting snuffed out. Other opportunities arise, and maybe it will take a while to see how beneficial they may be for my life, but now I am grieving what I want that is not happening.
Congratulations on your year in ALANON!!! I hope you are feeling better and better working this program. It has helped me to heal a little this year.
wow, thank you for sharing those insights! i seem to have no problem going through the motions of detachment, saying the right things, feeling the right way inside at the time ... but then later on, i wonder why things didn't change, or get "better" etc. which means i still have a lot of expectations to work on. thank you again. :)
moment for me. That makes so much sense. Thank you thank you thank you. 
