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hello everyone. so the last post i wrote was written about a new guy that has come into my life. ive chosen in my mind not to pursue this as im definatly not ready. im at a point where i just want my independence and to take care of me. not to mention it's only been a month and a half since my a and i separated and he is not exactly out of my life completly. my a and i speak everyday and are still very close. we love eachother but i know i cannot be with him. so im doing alot of work on myself and finding myself. anyway back to my dilemma. ive come across a huge shortcoming of mine that i have a problem with being assertive to others because i care too much about their feelings. i want to tell this guy it is not going to happen between us but just dont know how to go about it. i know it's getting me no where except causing me stress to be beating around the bush and trying to spare his feelings. i know this is not good for him either. i just met the guy a few weeks ago and he already seems very attached to me and that is definatly not what i want right now. i need to step up to the plate and tell him the truth.... can anyone help me with this or share some esh please?
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
Dear one, simply tell him it is not the right time, and that you don't care to date now. Tell him you are sorry, but it just won't work out. The easiest and best way to handle a thing like this is with honesty and caring. So keep a pleasant, understanding voice, and if he attempts to change your mind, tell him your mind is made up, and wish him well. A little peck on the cheek for good luck wouldn't hurt either.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I think what Diva said, as always makes sense. It should still hold true even after your reply to your post. If this guy really cares for you then he will be a gentleman and behave accordingly. You can't make someone stop caring about you. If he chooses to wait, then so be it. There is nothing you can do about it. You have to go foward with your life and do what is best. It may make you uncomfotable and that's natural. But please don't let it keep you from doing what you need to.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
there is a fine line between a guy acting like a gentleman and a becoming a total stalker.lol.....
when he told you he wud wait for you. i hope he meant it in a chivalrous way and not in a creepy way... men are strange creatures...
i applaud you for taking time out to "find you" and learna bit about urself and your feelings for a change... it may seem weird at the start being on your own and not having the immediate worry and thoughts about your "A"... let him be for now and take care of HIMSELF......
............believe me..its very easy to get sucked back into the chaos and insanity of "their world"
One of the things I've had to do is a "relationship inventory." I looked specifically at the relationships I have had in my life and how they have turned out. I wrote about the course the relationships took--consistently the pattern was that they would burn white hot for awhile, and then I would get bored; I would feel as if something missing. Today, I realize that the "white hot" period was the time where I would feel as if "This is it. This guy will fill the hole and be the loving man that my father wasn't. He'll be the *real* man that I've always wanted." The after period was the realization: "This guy isn't all that. He's not the guy I thought he was. He's....*human*." And I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear the reality that the hole wasn't getting filled. Of course it didn't help that my father was continuing to molest and rape me at that time (I didn't realize that what he was doing was considering molestation; *I honestly thought all fathers did this to their daughters!*), so of course that made the hole all the more larger.
Today, whenever I find myself in a relationship I am, as Shakespeare once said "Cautious upon the ground of which thou stepp'st." I still make some guy I know *this* much about into a hero, a god, an addoniss. And I've had to realize that if I spend time around him, I find out...he's human. Obviously, there's work to be done, eh?
It's hard to learn that "no" is a complete sentence, but it feels so good when you do speak out. You can tell this guy that if he cares about you at all, he will back off. If he does, then you can take the time you need, and if he is still there later, well, good. If he doesn't, then you have learned that this is not about him caring for you, but is somehow a control or power thing with him, and will know that getting rid of him is the right thing to do.
